Standing in the Dark
by LiziJ1987
Summary: Sometimes standing in the dark can help someone to see the light. Femslash. Alex/Olivia
1. Chapter 1

**_TV Show: Law & Order: SVU_**

**_Pairing: Alex/Olivia - Set during Season 13 after Alex returned._**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC, except the storyline I created. The lyrics I used are from the song Standing in the Dark by Lawson. (Great band.)_**

**_Must say a huge thank you to Renconteur for being my faithful beta reader, I couldn't have done this without her. You rock :') Thank you in advance for clicking on my story and I hope yopu enjoy it. :)_**

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_Sitting here wide awake, thinking about when I last saw you, I know you're not far away…_

It's late on a Thursday night, and once again, Olivia is having trouble sleeping. She rolled over onto her side and glanced at the clock, which read; 11:52 PM. As she closed her eyes, her mind filled with memories. Memories of one person she needed to forget about: Alex Cabot. Sometimes she took comfort in those memories but on nights like tonight, after a long day at work, they were nothing but a painful reminder of the love she still craved.

_Close my eyes and still see you, lying next to me, wearing nothing but a smile…_

The one memory that always appeared was of her and Alex, in the very bed she was now lying in, completely naked, wrapped up in each other's embrace after a lengthy love making session. Alex lain with her head rested on Olivia's chest, she listened to her heartbeat, and Olivia lay on her back with her cheek rested on the top of her head, her arm around Alex's shoulder, and the other arm tenderly stroked her forearm. One month after Alex had returned to help them with the Keppler case; they had fallen back into each other's arms with ease.

_Alex sighed blissfully. "I could lay here for the rest of my life and I'd be quite content."_

"_You just read my mind." Olivia smiled, placing a kiss on Alex's forehead._

"_I know you too well." The blonde replied as she lifted her head up to smile lovingly at her detective._

_Olivia brushed a strand of hair from Alex's cheek bone. "I wouldn't have it any other way, sweetheart."_

That was three years ago, before Alex was transferred to the DA's office in Boston. They had been together nine months before Alex ended it. Alex had told Olivia that long distance relationships never worked, and that she didn't want to hold her back.

After rounds of fighting with Olivia, Alex made the decision for both of them: it was final. Olivia had been heartbroken, and had never really gotten over her. The hurt still cuts as deep as did then, and because of that; Olivia had pushed everyone away. Elliot, more so than anyone else, which resulted in him retiring a few months back. After the shooting at the precinct, he wasn't the same and made the choice to call it a day. Since then she had been drafted a new partner, Nick Amaro, whom she was warming to more every day, along with the new female detective in their squad, Amanda Rollins.

Olivia buried her head into the pillow trying to make the thoughts go away. She had to let go. Alex was no longer hers and the blonde clearly wasn't having any trouble getting over her. Not long after Alex had returned to work with the SVU squad again, the attorney had invited Olivia out for coffee. The detective had thought Alex wanted to talk about their relationship, maybe start it up again. Olivia couldn't have been more wrong.

"Hey Liv, thank you for meeting with me." Alex said nervously.

Olivia took a seat opposite Alex and asked the waiter for a glass of water. "So," she began, as butterflies flapped wildly in her stomach. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, um**...**I have something I wanted to tell you, and I'd rather you hear it from me," she replied clenching her hands together.

Olivia reached out to put her hand on top of Alex's. "Alex, you can tell me anything." That's when Olivia felt something on Alex's left hand that she hadn't noticed before. Her eyes slowly travelled to the ring on the blonde's left ring finger.

"I'm engaged." Alex said softly, trying to study the woman before her reaction.

Olivia retracted her hand. "I can see that," she said with a faint smile.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked, treading carefully.

Olivia quickly shook her head, willing the tears not to fall. "Yes, of course! These are happy tears," she lied hoping Alex believed her. She plastered a bright smile on her face taking Alex's left hand examining the ring closer. "Wow, congratulations!"

Alex smiled back and sighed. "Thank you. I'd love for you to meet him," she half asked and half stated. "His name's Philip, he's an investment banker, I met in Boston. I didn't expect it to turn into something so serious, but sometimes these things just happen. I know my mom would have loved him," she said, as she absently played with her ring. The newness of the adornment still feeling foreign.

"I'd love to meet him, Alex." Olivia wiped a tear from her eyes. She noticed the blonde looking at her with concern and reassured her once again saying, "happy tears." But the sadness she felt inside weighed heavily on her heart.

The attorney smiled brightly. "How about tomorrow? Maybe we could get together for lunch."

"Sure sounds great." Olivia nodded in agreement then took her phone from her pocket. "Sorry, I just got a message from Rollins, I gotta get back to work."

"Oh, okay, I'll see you tomorrow, say 1:30?" Alex's shoulders sank on hearing Olivia had to leave.

"Yeah, see you then." The detective stood up and couldn't get out of the café fast enough. There was no text message; she just couldn't be that close to Alex any longer.

She reached out to touch the pillow Alex had once laid on, and hit it hard in frustration. The attorney was invading her every thought. She sat up, holding her head in her hands, she was exhausted and really needed to get some sleep. Tomorrow was the day she would be meeting the infamous Phillip for the first time. What kind of name is Phillip anyway? Who does he think he is? Some kind of Knight in Shining armor? She chuckled bitterly at her childishness.

Olivia kicked her feet out of the covers, and padded to her dresser. She took out the only thing that ever helped her sleep: one of Alex's old t-shirts. As she climbed back into bed she hugged it close to her chest and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Alex. Olivia missed her dearly and would do anything to get her back, but she feared the truth that that ship had sailed. Tears formed in her eyes as she cried herself to sleep.

The next day Olivia was sat at her desk, drinking her fifth - maybe sixth – cup of coffee of the day. She wasn't sure. She'd lost count. As the time drifted closer to lunch, the work she was doing was put to one side. The last thing she could focus on was DD5's. As she stared at the clock, she reminisced about the many times Alex had sauntered into their squad room to pick her up for a lunch date. She loved their little dates. There were times when they had very little spare time to see each other, so the small moments of catching a lunch or late dinner; became their moments of quality time.

Her stomach tightened and her heart ached. How she wished Alex was still with her. She took a deep breath and brought herself back to the present. Feeling the weight of her memories, she suddenly felt as though she was suffocating. She had to get out and breathe. The detective quickly stood, grabbed her coat, and headed for the stairs.

Once outside she leaned against the nearest lamppost, the cold of the metal hitting her cheek.

A few police officers that were standing outside checked to see if she was ok, but she waved them off without a word. The tightness in her chest eased slightly as she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth.

_Gotta leave right away, counting cracks along the pavement, to see you face to face thinking about the conversation…_

When she felt steady again the brunette took a walk around the block to the restaurant where she was meeting Alex and Phillip. She secretly hoped Phillip was a complete idiot, and wasn't good enough for Alex. But then again, in Olivia's eyes, no one was ever going to be good enough for her. Within a few minutes, which seemed to go a little faster than she would have liked, she found herself outside the restaurant; looking inside to see Alex and Phillip sitting pretty close, laughing. Her first thought was to turn around and run in the other direction, but she couldn't do that to Alex. She took one last deep breath, trying to muster every ounce of strength in her, and went in to greet them.

Alex spotted her first and waved her over. Olivia smiled as she approached them. Phillip was the very essence of tall, dark and handsome. Phillip stood to greet her as Alex introduced them.

"Olivia, this is my fiancé Phillip Reynolds. Phillip, this is Detective Olivia Benson."

"So nice to meet you Olivia," he held his hand out, greeting his fiancé's friend. "I've heard so much about you." He smiled. He had a very kind smile.

Olivia was surprised as she hadn't heard all that much about him. "Oh really? All good I hope," she said with a chuckle, attempting to mask the awkwardness she felt.

"Of course." He replied motioning for everyone to take a seat. "I took the liberty of ordering for us. I hope you like salmon?"

She cringed. She hated people ordering for her. Alex knew this, and hated it as well.

"Love it," she replied politely.

A silence fell on the group before Olivia spoke. "So, how did you two meet? Alex has  
yet to tell me that story."

Alex and Phillip looked at each other wondering who was going to tell the story. "Go ahead honey, you tell her," Phillip said taking Alex's hand in his.

Alex looked down at their hands then back to meet Olivia's gaze. "Well, I'd been working late at the office going over some upcoming trial briefs, and this one night I really needed a drink, so I went to the bar not far from my office-"

"I think it was fate that she did." Phillip chimed in, looking sweetly at Alex.

Olivia again smiled politely, not letting on the uneasiness she felt inside. Alex smiled uncomfortably before continuing.

"So I walked into this bar, it was mainly full of men in suits, but me being me, I didn't let that stop me. I sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine; then this guy," she pointed to Phillip, "slides up next to me and says, 'hey beautiful, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?'"

Phillip chuckled to himself as he took a swig of his beer.

Olivia laughed half-heartedly, trying to see that line wooing Alex. "How original," she laughed.

Alex smiled at Olivia, always the picture of politeness, but she saw a sliver of pain in her eyes. She pushed aside the pang in her gut and continued: "And I guess they say the rest his history. But he was very sweet that night, despite his lousy pick up line."

"You loved it." Phillip intertwied his fingers with Alex's, and leaned over to kiss the blonde's cheek to which she giggled slightly.

Olivia winced at the display of affection in front of her. At that moment all she wanted to do is run and hide. Hide from the happiness before her, but she can't take her eyes away from them. The pain coursing from her heart, through her veins is consuming, and she can't help but wish she was the one in Phillip's shoes. Despite the pain, Olivia tried to push it aside. Denial is such a beautiful thing.

Olivia clenched her jaw, trying to will the anxiety back, but it doesn't quite stifle the nausea that bubbled under the surface.

_All I wanna do is hide, but I can't stop myself from staring, wishing his hands were mine…_

Alex felt Olivia's eyes on her so she pushed Phillip back bashfully and a little guiltily for showing so much emotion towards him in front of her former flame.

The detective forced a smile. "You both seem very happy."

"We are," Phillip beamed, and kissed Alex's hand.

"Yes." Alex said, as she nodded.

_And as he looks into her eyes, I'm feeling paralysed…_

Olivia had to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. "I gotta go," she told them as she stood.

"Is everything alright?" Alex asked concerned.

"Everything's fine." The brunette said softly through a smile. "I just have to go, very nice to meet you Phillip," she reached out to shake his hand. "See you later Alex."

With that, Olivia left as fast her legs would carry her. She couldn't take the display in front of her any longer. She's happy Alex is happy, but does she realize he'll never make her as happy as she would have? She's an adult; she's not going to fight it. She just has to suck it up, and try like hell not to go to a place of pettiness and distaste.

Olivia made it back to the 1-6 within minutes and headed straight upstairs to the crib. She peeked inside the darkroom to make sure was empty, which it was, then slammed the door shut behind her. The brunette locked it, and leaned back against it, asher legs crumbled beneath her and her body became racked with sobs.

_She's someone else's angel, it may sound stupid that I'm wanting you back, that I'm wanting you back…now I'm standing in the dark…_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed, favourited and followed this story, I should tell you that the whole story is fully written and I promise the updates won't be too spaced out and I apologise for taking a while to post chapter two. Hope you enjoy it. :')**

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A few hours later Olivia was back at her desk trying in vain to at least get through three quarters of her paperwork before leaving for the day. She dropped her pen onto the pile of papers, blew out a puff of air, and flexed her fingers to ease the cramp. Just as she's about to put pen to paper once again, Nick stood to put on his coat.

"I am out of here," he said as he rearranged his collar.

"Are you finished?" Olivia asked surprised, while she glanced from her mound to his clear desk.

"Yes, finally."

"Want to do mine?" She asked, half joking, half not.

"Sorry Liv, I've got a date with my baby girl: bath and story time," he beamed.

At his words, it dawned on her; maybe if she had something - or someone - to go home to, an incentive, she would be finished by now.

"Go be with your family Nick. See you tomorrow." She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Nick furrowed his brow slightly. "Are you alright? You've been quiet all afternoon."

It amazed Olivia that in such a short amount of time, Nick could read her so well. "I'm fine Nick. Honest. Now go before you miss bath time," she chuckled.

"I'm going, I'm going." He laughed. "But remember, I'm only a phone call away." He smiled as he left the squad room.

Shortly after he left, Fin, Munch, Amanda, and Cragen all followed suit. As Cragen left a short time after her partner, he warned Olivia not to stay too late.

Once again, Olivia was left alone. The silence was like an annoying mosquito that wouldn't go away. She thought back to her lunch earlier that day with Alex and Phillip. She started to feel guilty for leaving the way she did. It wasn't Alex's fault she still had deep feelings for her**,** and it certainly wasn't her fiancé's. Phillip seemed like a genuine stand-up guy, so she made a decision to try to forget about her feelings, and think of Alex's. Olivia tilted her wrist to check the time, it was just after six. If she knew Alex, like she thought she knew Alex and left now, she could probably still catch her at her office.

Olivia swung her coat onto her shoulders, clicked off her desk lamp, and made her way to DA's office.

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Olivia arrived at her office in pretty good time considering the downtown traffic at that time of night. She was about to knock on Alex's office door but hesitated when she overheard the back end of the attorney's phone call.

"…I don't care what kind of trouble your client has or has not been in counselor, I want all of the relevant documents on my desk by 9 am tomorrow, or I'll file a Brady Violation against you with the Bar!" The blonde bellowed before hanging up with force.

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose as Olivia knocked and poked her head around the door frame. "Can I come in?"

"Olivia? Hi, yes, come in." Alex motioned for her to take a seat on the couch along the far wall as she perched herself on the side of her desk. "I didn't expect to see you after you left this afternoon."

"Yeah, that's actually why I'm here**.** I came to apologize. I shouldn't have left like I did," she proclaimed softly, as she caught Alex's gaze.

Alex's eyes softened with kindness. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, though." Olivia rose to her feet. "I want you to know that I think Phillip is a great guy, and I'm really happy for you," she said meaning every word.

"Thank you, that means so much to me," Alex said, opening her arms out to hug the detective.

Olivia accepted the embrace, and allowed her eyes to close. She breathed in the blonde's unique scent, an intoxicating blend of vanilla and honey. Alex then pulled away from her, a little too soon for Olivia's liking, but she knew it was for the best.

Alex took the brunette's hands in hers. "You're the only good friend I have left, Olivia, and I don't want our past-or present - to change that," she said sincerely.

Olivia mentally winced at the word friend. Yes, they were good friends, but Olivia was always going to want more even if Alex didn't. She knew it was unfair to feel that way; it wasn't Alex's fault she had moved on, but she knew she had to as well. If she was going to be supportive; laying aside the residual feelings from their relationship would have to go by the wayside. The whole being supportive thing was going to be tough. "Neither do I." Olivia smiled.

"Great." The blonde looked happier and that pleased Olivia. "I was actually going to call you tomorrow, but since you're here now; how do you feel about drinks Friday night with Phillip and me?"

"Sure, that would be nice." The detective put on her best brave face, she was going to have to get used to Phillip being around.

"We'll meet you at seven at _Sippy's_." Alex beamed.

"Sounds great**.** I better get going. I'll see you Friday." Olivia gave Alex a friendly kiss on the cheek as she left.

After the detective was gone, Alex caressed the cheek Olivia had just kissed. Those lips she hadn't kissed in so long had left their mark. A single kiss that left her wanting more. She shook her head to try and shake the feeling from her. It could possibly be her imagination or it could be down to tiredness.

Yes. She was tired. That was it. Alex quickly gathered all her files, papers and her briefcase together**,** and decided to call it a night.

*****

Friday night rolled around quicker than Olivia had expected it to. She stood in front of her closet, wondering what the heck she was going to wear. She screwed her face up at every piece of clothing she owned, pants, shirts, dresses **-** everything. There was nothing she wanted to wear.

As she ran her fingers through her hair, she let out an exasperated sigh. Then, the one outfit she had missed jumped out at her. The brunette picked it out of the closet and held it up to herself, and checked her reflection in the mirror. It was a beige and cream dress, with a mosaic style pattern on it. It fell to just above the knee**,** with the v-neck, which showed off just the right amount of cleavage. After changing from her sweat pants and tank top into the dress, Olivia nodded at herself in the mirror, finally happy with her chosen ensemble. She paired it with some strappy goldheels, applied the rest of her make-up, shook out her curls, and left to meet Alex and Philip.

The detective stepped out of the taxi, taking a minute to compose herself before going into the restaurant/lounge. Olivia took a long deep breath. She really hoped that seeing Alex with Phillip was going to get easier. Olivia wasn't one to continuously check her reflection in every passing window or mirror**,** but there was something about seeing Alex that always made her stomach flip. When she was finally ready, she made her way inside. The bar was pretty busy so she had to fight her way through the crowd of the small space.

She caught sight of Alex's unmistakable long blonde hair first, and then her fiancé, who was facing her direction. Phillip glanced over and saw Olivia; so he beckoned her over.

Once Olivia was in hearing distance, Phillip spoke. "Wow, Olivia, you look great. So nice to see you again." He said, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you, good to see you too." Olivia smiled. "Hey, Alex." She turned to greet Alex, but the attorney didn't seem to be on the same planet.

,Phillip nudged his fiancée. "Honey, cat got your tongue" he chuckled.

Alex snapped back to the present. "Uh…sorry…miles away." She laughed nervously, and blushed lightly. A reaction that went unnoticed by Phillip**,** and also by Olivia, which Alex was pleased about.

"Am I that dull, you checked out already?" Olivia joked.

"You know you are anything but dull, detective." Alex replied.

At her words, Olivia took that moment to admire Alex's attire. She wore a black cocktail dress that fell to mid-thigh. Olivia loved her long legs, the more she saw of them the better. The brunette mentally slapped herself for even thinking that. Alex was no longer hers and it felt wrong.

She quickly started the conversation off as Phillip ordered another round of drinks. "So, have you set a date for the wedding yet?"

Alex took a sip of her wine. "Not yet - no - all we know is that we would like it to be a summer wedding. Maybe next year."

"Am I invited?" Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"You're first on my list," Alex said without hesitation.

The detective smiled warmly as their eyes locked on each other. Olivia could do nothing about the feelings that flowed whenever she was in close proximity with the blonde. Alex couldn't ignore the feelings that stirred deep inside her. A moment passed between the two before they were interrupted by Phillip handing them their drinks. It was then that Olivia observed a fourth drink.

"Are you thirsty, Phillip?" Olivia joked.

He looked puzzled then realized she was referring to the other drink. "Oh," he smiled warmly. "No, we're expecting someone else. Shall we go get a table?" he asked, not waiting for an answer.

"Someone else?" Olivia asked Alex.

"You will love him," she replied, following Phillip to a table.

Olivia groaned inwardly. A blind date. This would not end well.

Phillip chose a booth adjacent to the bar. He and Alex on one side, Olivia on the other. As the detective sat down, she took a long drink of her wine.

"So Phillip," Olivia started after swallowing, "As you're going to be marrying my best friend, I feel it's my duty to get to know you better."

Phillip smiled leaning forward onto the table. "I'm an open book, ask me anything." he replied. "Within reason."

Alex sat in silence as she watched the two most important people in her life interact.

"Where are you from originally?" The detective asked.

"Boston, Massachusetts. Born and raised."

"Favorite movie?"

"_Rocky_." he said with a grin, "When I go out running, I always imagine myself as Rocky."

Alex laughed - hard. "You never told me that."

"Probably because **I** knew I'd get that reaction." Phillip feigned hurt.

"Sorry honey, you're my Rocky." Alex said, hugging him from the side.

"Isn't she sweet," he said with a hint of sarcasm.

"The sweetest," Olivia laughed. "I have more questions**:** are you faithful?"

"Completely."

"Have you ever killed anyone?" she asked with a smirk.

"None that can be proven." This drew a laugh from the table and a playful nudge from Alex.

"Touche," Olivia continued to laugh. "Favorite sports team?"

"Boston Red Sox!" Phillip replied enthusiastically.

The detective shook her head in disappointment. "And here I was just starting to like you."

Alex chuckled. "Oooh, so close Phil, she may have been your new best friend. But **I** guess, alas, it wasn't meant to be," she patted his forearm lightly.

"Don't tell me you're a Knicks fan?"

"Die hard." Olivia replied.

"Always has been, always will be." Alex said, quietly remembering the few Knicks games she had to sit through when she was with Olivia. She felt a pang in her heart; she missed those times. Olivia smiled over at the blonde, also thinking of the same thing.

"I'm outnumbered," Phillip stated, throwing his arms up in surrender and breaking Alex and Olivia from their memories. As he leaned back he glanced over at the door and noticed Olivia's date has arrived. "But maybe not for much longer, David's here," he waved him over.

_Here we go_, Olivia thought.

"David, good to see you buddy," Phillip said, shaking his hand. David kissed Alex on the cheek as Alex spoke.

"David Hayden, I'd like you too meet,-"

Olivia looked up to them. "David?" she said, surprised. David Hayden had worked with Olivia and the rest of the SVU squad while Alex had been away.

"Olivia?"

"You two know each other?" Alex asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"Uh, yeah, he worked with SVU on some cases a few months back. How did you not know that?" Olivia asked Alex.

"We also dated for a couple of months," David added.

"I had no idea." Alex said, wondering herself how she had not known.

David took a seat next to Olivia, took a sip of his beer then turned to the brunette. "Always lovely to see you again, detective."

"And you," she replied. "What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Work, work, and more work." David chuckled as he took a long look at the woman sitting next to him. "You look great."

The brunette looked at her drink shyly then back at him. "Thank you." Olivia started to think that maybe this blind date wasn't so bad after all. She already knew him and he wasn't at all bad to look at.

A couple of hours later, Olivia and David were conversing with ease. Phillip was telling Alex some kind of story**,** but she wasn't paying any attention. All her attention was on her former girlfriend, and her colleague. The blonde watched as he touched her arm, her leg, her hand, the way she laughed at his jokes, the way he laughed at hers, she couldn't peel her eyes away**,** and Olivia had no idea. Was that a twinge of jealousy she was feeling towards David? No**,** of course not.

Phillip squeezed her knee. "Babe?"

Alex snapped back and turned to face her fiance. "Yeah? Sorry."

"Are you ready to go?" He asked softly.

"Um, yes, I just have to go to the ladies room." The attorney quickly excused herself, as Phillip informed their companions they were leaving. Olivia then too went to the restroom.

When the detective exited the bathroom stall, she found Alex leaning her hands on the sink with her head down.

"Alex, are you ok?" She asked tentatively.

Alex stood upright, looking at herself in the mirror. "Yeah, I'm fine. I see you and David are getting along well."

"He's a great guy." Olivia brushed past Alex as she went to wash her hands.

Alex suddenly felt goosebumps as their skin touched for the briefest of moments. She held her arms close to her chest and leaned back against the sink.

"I think tonight went well**,** and I'm pleased I got to know Phillip a little better."

Alex didn't' say anything, her eyes focused ahead of her.

Olivia continued. "Thank you for inviting me out tonight, I needed it." She dried her hands under the drier**,** and then turned to face the blonde. "Alex?"

The brunette didn't have a moment to think before Alex's lips were on hers. Alex clasped the brunette's face in her hands and kissed her hard, pushing her backwards up against the wall. Olivia momentarily allowed herself to deepen the kiss, but she came to her senses**,** and pushed Alex off of her.

"Alex, what the hell are you doing?!"

The attorney had a deer caught in headlights look about her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," she replied as she backed out of the ladies room and back to Phillip. Olivia stood dumbfounded. Once Olivia had gotten over her state of shock at Alex's sudden advance towards her, she went back into the bar to find David sitting alone. She looked towards the entrance just in time to catch the back of Phillip and Alex leaving.

"Everything alright? Alex left in a hurry."

Olivia touched her lips lightly. "Yeah, everything's fine. How about another drink?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

About twenty minutes later, Olivia and David were laughing and joking, sitting closer together than they had been earlier. As their laughter died down, a silence fell upon them. David took this as an opportunity to move in and kiss Olivia. The brunette looked from his eyes to his lips and let his lips land on hers. Olivia let their kiss linger for a few long seconds then broke it off.

She looked down at her lap, then let her forehead rest on his. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

"Is this the you're a great guy speech," he snorted quietly.

Olivia placed her hand on his chest, and brought her head up to look at him. "We already had our chance, and I've moved on. I don't mean to hurt you, David, but..."

David nodded. "I understand. But, you can't help me for trying."

"You broke it off with me. You took the job and said we had to break it off," Olivia said as old feelings began to boil to the surface.

He shook his head in sorrow. He looked into her eyes. "I regret that everyday, Liv."

Olivia nodded and smiled to keep from crying. "I know, but I just can't. I can't risk it getting involved again, only to get hurt. It hurt me badly, and I won't do it again."

"I wouldn't do that, Liv," he said in his defense.

"Honestly, David, we can't. Our jobs won't allow it, and neither will I."

She got up from the barstool and stopped next to him. She looked him in the eye and kissed the stubble on his cheek. "Good-bye, David."

She left him at the bar and made her way home. The stigma of Alex's kiss lingering in the back of her mind. She felt so confused.

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**A/N: Hit me up the box below, please thankyou :')**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you once again for the reviews, they do make me smile, I'm pleased you guys are enjoying it. :') Here's Chapter three. :')**

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#Alex laid in bed that night as her mind raced. She couldn't believe she had let herself get so wound up over David and Olivia. She was going to be marrying Philip, and kissing Olivia should have been the farthest thing from her mind. The jealousy she felt over David, knowing he's been intimate with her, kissed her in all the places she had once kissed, made her blood boil. In that moment Alex discovered that she possibly wasn't over the detective like she thought.

She waited patiently for Phillip to join her in bed; she was determined to put the thoughts of Olivia out of her head. Phillip emerged from the bathroom, clad in only boxer shorts. He had one hell of a six pack, and Alex could probably count on one hand how many bankers had one of those to flaunt. She sat upand watched as he climbed in next to her.

Phillip caressed her back. "Sweetheart, why are you looking at me like that?" he raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"No reason, I was just thinking how incredibly handsome you are." Alex hastily moved the bed covers away and sat on top of her fiance, effectively straddling him. She leaned over him sliding her fingertips over his toned torso. "Kiss me."

Phillip didn't need to be toldtwice. He kissed her softly**,** but that wasn't enough for Alex, she bit down on his lower lip, demanding to be kissed harder. She pulled him upright with her stripping herself of silk navy blue chemise. She only ever needed a tank top to feel sexy with Olivia but with Phillip she needed something more slinky, and covered with blonde pulled him closer to her, her kisses were forceful as she dug her nails into his back. She was going to forget about Olivia and David if it was the last thing she did.

Alex began to kiss along his jawline, biting her way to his ear and down towards his shoulder. Phillip had never witnessed her being so aggressive towards him in all the time they had been together. He wasn't at all sure he liked it.

"Alex," he said, grabbing her waist to try and push her off of him. She didn't answer. "Alexandra," he could still feel her nails in his back. "ALEX," he shouted, grabbing her forearms.

The blonde backed off. "What?"

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing. Can't a woman make love-"

"Make love? Is that what that was?"

Alex ripped her arms from his grasp. "What the hell would you call it?" she asked, irritation evident in her tone.

"Rough and emotionally unattached! Who were you trying to make love to, because it sure as hell wasn't me."

The blonde looked at him incredulously. "I was right there with you!"

"In body yes, but definitely not in mind," he shouted.

"You're ridiculous! Are you sure it wasn't you that was imagining being with someone else?!" Alex said venomously as she maneuvered herself off of Phillip and flung open her closet door. She threw on a pair of old sweats and grabbed a hoodie.

"Where are you going?" Phillip asked swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Out," she firmly stated.

"It's late, let's talk about this. You've been acting really strange since we had drinks with Olivia and David," he said, more calmly.

"What do they have to do with anything?" Alex stopped as she held her old NYPD hoodie that Olivia once gave her, because it was comforting.

"You tell me," Philip shot back.

"Olivia has nothing to do with this, and you have no right to bring her name into this," she yelled and pulled on her hoodie and began tying the laces of her running shoes.

Phillip curiously looked over his fiance's attire. "Where'd you get the hoodie?"

Alex stopped what she was doing, she realized she'd never shown this particular garment to him before. "A friend gave it to me."

"A friend, huh?"

"Yes, a friend. What's it got do with you where I got it anyway?"

"It has everything to do with me when I feel like my future wife isn't being completely honest."

"If that's how you feel then maybe we shouldn't be getting married at all!" Alex yelled again as she stormed past Phillip and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Three weeks after Alex and Phillip's fight, their relationship had become slightly strained to say the least. They hadn't talked about said fight, when Alex had eventually returned home, they were both tired and decided to just forget about it. Since that night, Alex had been spending more time working late, in a bid to avoid Phillip.

The one person she wanted to talk to was Olivia, but after her unsolicited advance in the bathroom at _Sippie's_, Alex was convinced the detective was avoiding her. Each time she called, her call was forwarded to voicemail and each time she had paid the SVU squad a visit, Olivia was always conveniently away from her desk. She had to see her. To hear the soothing melodic tones of her voice and to make things ok between them.

Alex stood before her office window, looking out over the bustling city. Wondering where Olivia was and if she called her now, would she answer? She looked at her cell phone in her hand, her thumb hovering over the call button. Without giving it another thought, she hit call and waited anxiously.

Olivia stepped into the elevator of the 1-6 precinct and pushed the button gingerly as she juggled cups of coffee and two boxes of doughnuts. Cragen had sent her out to get them for all of the squad after they had cracked a recent child abduction case. The 6 year old girl had been found safe and sound, which was sometimes a rarity in cases they dealt with. The captain had been so proud of his detectives hard work, he said the treat was on him. Of course they were all happy enough with the doughnuts. Olivia stepped off the elevator and rounded the corner into the squad room. The brunette laughed as she over heard Amanda claiming Fin's share of the doughnuts.

"I'll take yours, cause you know guys at your age, gotta watch what they eat." Amanda smirked, patting Fin's stomach.

"I could still bench press yo ass," he said flexing his muscles as Olivia joined them. "Hey Liv, Rollins says I'm getting old."

Olivia grinned. "You are. Suck it up," she laughed as she placed the coffees and doughnuts onto her desk. "Anyway, what's that saying: act your age, not your shoe size?."

"Real mature, Benson," he said reaching for one of the coffees.

Olivia watched as Amanda took a doughnut from the box and took a big bite from it, getting frosting on her upper lip and the tip of her nose. She turned to Fin as she licked off the frosting. "Mmmmmmm," she teased.

Fin shook his head. "Women are mean."

"I second that," Munch piped up from his desk.

Olivia laughed at their comradery**,** and felt a twinge of sadness. She remembered the times she and Elliot had been involved in moments like these. She missed him every day. A vibration on her belt brought her away from her thoughts. She took out her phone and glanced at the screen. It was Alex. She sighed.

"What do you want, Alex?"

"Are you avoiding me?" Alex asked, sounding almost childlike to Olivia.

"I have a job. I'm not avoiding you, but could you blame me if I was?" Olivia rubbed her forehead.

"I guess not."

"Did you call me just to ask that?"

"No, uh... can we meet up?"

"I don't know -"

"Please?" Alex begged quietly.

Olivia had never heard Alex sounding so unsure which made her take pity on her. "Alright. When?"

"Tonight, if you're free?"

"Meet me at the coffee shop on Fulton at five-thirty."

Alex knew the place well, she had spent many times there with Olivia sharing a late lunch or a coffee after a morning run. "Ok, see you then," she said sounding hopeful. "And Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for picking up," she blonde said before hanging up.

Olivia stared at the screen a few seconds longer after Alex had hung up. She had no idea what was going on in her own head, never mind Alex's.

"Is everything ok?" Amanda asked, her head tilted to the side.

Olivia looked up from her cell. "Yeah. Nothing a doughnut can't fix." she smiled reaching for one and taking a bite.

"If you ever need someone to talk to," Amanda started.

"I appreciate that but I'm fine, thank you." She replied, joining in with Fin, Munch and Nick's conversation about sports. Amanda joined in soon after.

It was just after five-twenty when Olivia left work to go and meet Alex at the coffee shop. As she stepped outside, the cold evening air hit her cheeks with a slight pinch. She pulled her scarf closer around her neck as much as she could to shield herself from the chill. It was official, winter was on its way. Not that the cold bothered Olivia, she liked the crisp winter mornings and being able to be all snuggled up in bed. It was the snow she didn't like. As she thought about the looming winter, her feet took her to the coffee shop automatically, having done that route quite a few times before. She couldn't wait to get inside and get warm**,** but at the same time, she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about this meeting with Alex.

As she stepped into the warmth, she loosened her scarf and took it off. She spotted Alex and made her way over to her.

"Hey Alex." Olivia said, making her presence known.

"Hey," Alex smiled, relieved the brunette had shown up. "Thanks for coming, Olivia."

"What's up?" Olivia took a seat opposite the blonde and clasped her hands together in front of her. She had no intention of making this easy for her.

Alex hesitated before starting. "I know you said you weren't avoiding me, but if you were, you had every reason to." Alex raised her eyes to study Olivia's, who sat silently. "I'm sorry for my behavior at the bar, I just...I got jealous."

"Jealous?" Olivia said, not sure she was hearing right.

"Yes. Seeing you and David like that wasn't easy for me." Alex replied, dropping her gaze to the table.

Olivia could feel her temper beginning to rise. "It wasn't easy for _you_?" she said, emphasising the last word.

"I know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid Alex, it's downright _selfish_!" The brunette said through gritted teeth.

"Selfish?" Alex asked, snapping her head up to look Olivia in the eyes.

"Yes, Alex, selfish. For that last month or so, I've been trying my hardest to be supportive of you and your relationship with Phillip, but do you have any idea how tough thats been for me?" The detective said angrily. "My feelings for you never went away, they were - are- still as strong as they ever were. You were the one who chose to end our relationship. You and you alone! You don't get to feel jealous or hurt if you see me with someone else, you threw away that right when you made the choice for both of us. So no, Alex, it's clear you have no idea how difficult it's been for me!" Olivia finished, her voice was near breaking point and she was doing her best to keep her tears in check. She got up and left before Alex could say anything else.

Alex didn't know where to put herself. A few bystanders looked over at her as she willed the tears not to fall. She knew she had hurt Olivia when they broke up, but she hadn't realized the extent of her actions until now. Olivia was - is her best friend. How could she have been so blind? Right in that moment she hated herself. The attorney thought about calling Olivia but she knew she wouldn't pick up. Alex didn't feel like going home right away, so she went back to her office. She just wanted to be alone.

Once in the safety of Hogan Place, Alex drowned herself in case files, and anything she could get her hands on. She hoped that by being engrossed in her work, the pain would get buried along with it. It worked for a little while, but not long enough. She glanced up at the clock; 8:52PM. As much as the idea of staying in her office all night appealed to her, Alex had to return home. Phillip would be wondering where she was. Before putting all the work away for the night, she checked her cell phone, hoping for a message or anything from Olivia. There was nothing. Alex tidied everything away and headed for home.

She got home about half an hour later to find the dinner table set for one. She dropped her briefcase by the door and shrugged off her coat. Phillip stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"I was getting worried." he said flatly.

"There's no need to worry, I was just working late." she replied kicking her heels off.

"You could have called. Dinner's cold."

"I'm not hungry. I just want to take a shower and go to bed." she said as she brushed past him to get a drink of water.

"You gotta eat."

"I'm not hungry!" she snapped then disappeared into the bathroom.

She emerged from the bathroom thirty minutes later making a beeline for the bed. She climbed in turned onto her side and closed her sore, puffy, red eyes. A few minutes later she felt the bed dip as Phillip joined her. He reached out to kiss her goodnight and cuddle her, but she recoiled under his touch and curled into the fetal position crying silently till she drifted off.

Phillip rolled onto to his back wondering how his relationship with Alex had gotten so cold so fast. It had been great when they had first gotten together, she couldn't keep her hands off him and vice versa. Something had changed after they had moved back to New York. The past few weeks his head had been in a constant battle with his heart. He was beginning to think there was more to Alex's past with Olivia than she had let on. All he wanted was to make Alex happy, and it hurt him to think he was failing. All he knew was that they couldn't continue this way, he had to get her to talk about it.

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**A/N: Review? thank you pwease :')**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you very much to those who have read, reviewed and/or followed this story, I'm thrilled you guys seem to be enjoying it. :') Here's the next chapter, a little later posted than planned but take pity on me as I've had the flu :( ...anyhoo, enjoy!**

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Alex woke before her alarm the next morning. She turned over to find Philip's side of the bed empty, and then realized the sound of the shower running. She was pleased she had a few minutes to herself before being faced with him. Her first thought was coffee. Very strong coffee. As she got up, she thought back to the previous evening. Alex felt so much guilt towards Olivia, having never fully known how deep the brunette's feelings were. She had no idea how to make it all better.

"We need to talk."

Alex jumped slightly as Phillip's presence interrupted her train of thought. "No we don't, not right now," she replied coldly, pouring herself a steaming cup of coffee.

Phillip ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Then when, Alex?"

"I don't know, Phillip," she responded. Her voice was low and defeated. "I just don't have the energy."

"And I do? I've been putting my back out trying to get you to open up to me these past few weeks. I'm tired of it. Tell me what's going on, Alexandra." Phillip moved closer to her, caressing her lower back.

Alex stepped away from his touch. "Don't." She said. "I don't think I can do this anymore." Alex put her cup down on the breakfast bar and leaned against it.

"Can't do what?"

"This. You and me."

"Don't say that**,** sweetheart, we can work through this. Whatever it is, we will get through it together," he pleaded.

"I'm not so sure, Philip." She shook her head, looking away from him.

"Look, you're tired. You're working really hard, so pleasedon't make any rash decisions," he paused waiting for some kind of answer. When he didn't get one, he continued: "How about I cook dinner for us tonight and we can talk then?"

Alex considered this for a moment before answering. "Okay," she nodded.

"Great. It'll be ok, honey," he said softly as he kissed her temple.

Alex wasn't convinced. She felt conflicted. She wanted to do right by Philip, as he was a good man, but then there was Olivia whom she can - wholeheartedly - say she never stopped loving. If she could successfully split herself in two, she would. But she was the only person to blame for the mess that is her life.

-

Alex leaned back into the chair letting out a heavy sigh. Lately her office had become like a second home to her. Her sanctuary. She'd been racking her brains all morning to try and think of way to once again apologize to Olivia. The one thing that kept popping up, was to send her flowers. The blonde knew it was a pretty lame way to say sorry, and kind of cliche, but she had to start somewhere. She picked up her cell and dialled the florist she had used on many occasions.

"_Leaf it to Us, Amy speaking, how may I help you?"_

Alex cleared her throat. "Hi, I'd like to order a half-dozen of Peonies to be delivered this afternoon."

"_No problem, where would you like them delivered to, and to whom?"_ the friendly assistant asked.

"The Sixteenth Precinct, fourth floor, Special Victims Squad, and to Detective Olivia Benson."

"_Would you like to add a message?"_

"Yes, can you put**: **"_**I'm sorry, and I've never stopped loving you. - Alex"?**_

"_We'll take care of that for you. Anything else?"_

"Can you please make sure they're in a vase?"

"_Sure."_

"Thank you." Alex felt a mixture of butterflies and nausea as she paid for the flowers.

As the day slowly went by the blonde found herself concentrating less and less on her work, and more and more on what Olivia's reaction would be to the flowers. She did not specify a time for them to be delivered, so in turn had no idea when they would be in the detective's possession. She tapped her fingers on the desk, and considered calling another detective in the squad on false pretences just to figure out if they had arrived yet, but that would no doubt raise eyebrows. She would just have to wait and see if Olivia calls her.

*****

Over at the Special Victims squad room, Nick had offered to take Olivia out for late lunch**,** as he had noticed his partner looking a little down lately so he thought he might cheer her up. She sat on the edge of her desk waiting patiently as he grabbed his wallet from his locker.

"Ready to go?" he asked closing the metal door with a slight slam. Those things were so old, they wondered why they hadn't been changed out. Then again, they held the items of former greats, and held a lot of history.

Olivia shrugged. "Where are you taking me?"

"The Heartland Brewery," he replied with a grin.

Her mouth watered in anticipation. "They do a mean Tuna Burger**.** It's amazing."

"I know, I'm starving."

She eyed him a moment more. Nick didn't know if she was making him sweat, or actually thinking about it.

"Throw in sweet potato fries and we have a deal."

Her partner returned with a grin. "I'll even throw in a beer."

"Done," she said as she went to get up.

As they were about to leave, a delivery boy arrived holding a vase filled with flowers.

"Delivery for," he paused as he read the card. "..Detective Olivia Benson."

"That's me." Olivia said, slightly embarrassed but curious as to who would send her them. The boy handed her the flowers, and the scent from them filled her senses. Olivia took a step back, placed the vase on her desk and picked up the card that came with them.

As soon as she saw who they were from, Olivia dropped the vase in the trash and ripped up the card without giving it another thought.

"Let's go, I'm starved." she said to Nick, who was left wondering what the hell just happened. As they left, Amanda, curious as to who had sent Olivia the flowers, bent down to the trash can and picked out the card. She read it and as soon as she saw they were from Alex, the reason's behind Olivia's mood started to come together.

*****

After lunch, Olivia and Nick took a stroll to the park across the street from the restaurant, in Union Square. Fresh air never felt so good after being cooped up in the squad room all day. They sat down on a bench and for a few silent moments just watched the world go by.

Nick looked over at Olivia, who was clearly lost in thought. He knew something was troubling her, but she wasn't one to open up easy.

"Hey Liv," he waved his hand in front of her eyeline. "Where'd you go?"

Olivia blinked as her gaze came back into focus. "Sorry," she smiled.

Nick studied her face. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," she waved him off and pulled at her pants, as she adjusted her position on the cold bench.

He shook his head. "I'm not buyin' it. Talk to me." Nick rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

The brunette blew out a puff of air. "There isn't much to tell: I had an argument with Alex, that's all."

"You guys are best friends, right? You'll work it out." Nick smiled a comforting smile.

She laughed sadly. "I'm not sure it's that easy."

"Sure it is, life's too short." Nick stated.

Olivia nodded in agreement but did not want to go into it anymore than she had to. "We better be getting back to work." She stood up and started to head towards the car.

Nick watched his partner walk away, he wished she would open up a little more to him, trust him. He hoped she knew he was there for her.

"You comin'?" Olivia shouted over her shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm comin'," he shouted back, as he stood and jogged a little to catch up to her.

*******

Across town, Amanda Rollins exited courtroom number one after giving her testimony to a room full of lawyers, reporters, jury members, and a couple of fellow detectives. She had testified many times, but it never got any easier. She always felt sick to her stomach and ended up with clammy cold hands, but she never let her nerves show. On the outside she was a cool as a cucumber.

She sighed and leaned against the cold wall; boy, was she glad that was over. Amanda was about to leave to get a bottle of water, but the sound of heels on the tiled floor caught her attention. She turned her head to see Alex Cabot juggling files, her briefcase and a coffee cup. Amanda decided to go over and give her a hand with all her belongings, but she didn't' get there quick enough. She watched helplessly as Alex dropped everything; effectively soaking her files and bag in coffee. She cursed in defeat under her breath.

Amanda quickly rushed to her side, as nobody else around Alex made a move to help her. "Here, let me help you."

Alex looked up. "Oh, thank you."

The blonde detective quickly observed how pale Alex was looking, paler than her usual porcelain color. She took pity on her instantly. "I can get you a fresh cup of coffee if you'd like?"

"You don't have to do that, it's fine. I drink too much of the stuff anyway**,**" she chuckled.

"You can never drink too much coffee. I live on it**,**" Amanda smiled warmly. "Come on," she said, helping Alex pick up the remaining papers up off the floor. "I'm buyin'**.**"

Alex was about to protest**,** but Amanda held her hand up to stop her resisting. The attorney's mouth opened and closed in a fish like fashion, realizing her attempt to object was unsuccessful. Amanda lead them out onto the busy street and to the nearby coffee bagel cart. She bought two cups of coffee and handed one to Alex.

"Can I walk you back to your office?" Amanda asked taking a sip of her hot drink.

"Sure, I could use the company." Alex smiled a sad smile, that didn't go unnoticed by the detective.

"Forgive me for saying counsellor, but you look like crap."

"Thank you, Detective." Alex replied, dryly. "You sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself."

"Sorry," Amanda thought hard before speaking again. "It doesn't have anything to do with Olivia, does it?"

"Olivia? Uh...no, why would it?" Alex stammered.

"She looks like shit too."

"She does?" The attorney asked, surprised. Alex selfishly felt a little better knowing Olivia was possibly feeling the same way she was.

Amanda nodded. "I haven't known her for long, but whatever's going on between you two, don't give up on her."

"I don't plan to," Alex said, her voice laden with determination.

Alex remained silent for the remainder of the walk back to the DA's office, deep in thought, and also not wanting to discuss Olivia with Amanda too much more.

"Thank you for buying me a coffee. I'll repay the favor at some point," Alex smiled.

"No problem, I hope things work out for you," Amanda said as she turned to walk away.

"Thanks," Alex replied and headed inside. "Me too," she added sadly, under her breath.

As soon as Amanda left Alex, she made her way straight back to the squad room. She hadn't known Olivia, or Alex, that long but she didn't like to see either woman unhappy**,** or anyone unhappy for that matter. Amanda liked to help people and that is one of the reason's she joined the police force. She wasn't sure what had happened between the two in the first place**,** but she wanted to help along her colleague and Alex to patch things up.

When she got back to the 1-6 she had a quick look around to see if anyone was looking, which they weren't**;** they were all too busy staring at computer screens, or on the phone. She took the flowers out of the trash that Olivia had thrown away and placed them back on the brunette's desk. She rearranged them to look like they had when they arrived, took out the card, taped it back together, and wrote on the back: _**Don't throw her away so fast**_. Amanda took a seat at her own desk, with one last glance at the flowers, she smiled to herself.

******  
"Thanks for lunch, but next time I'm buying," Olivia said as she stepped off the elevator ahead of Nick.

"I'll hold you to that," he teased.

"You do that," she smiled and rounded the corner towards her desk.

Olivia came to a sudden halt as she noticed the flowers sitting on her desk. She was sure she's thrown those in the trash.

"Liv?" Nick asked cautiously.

Olivia didn't answer, she closed the gap between herself and the flowers, picked the card out just as she had done earlier.

_**Don't throw her away so fast.**_

The words jumped out at her. Olivia let the words sink in and looked around the room to see if anyone was watching. Nobody was. Her mind raced wondering who had taken them from the trash can. She looked back at the stock in her hand; maybe she shouldn't give up on Alex so quickly, but one thing was for sure: she'd have to do a lot better than some flowers. Olivia shoved the card into the back pocket of her jeans.

"Olivia?" Nick asked again.

"I'm good," she replied.

Amanda, who had been carefully watching out the corner of her eye, smiled to herself.

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**A/N: The box below is calling your name! :')**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So I was kind of overwhelmed by the amount of reviews I recieved for the last chapter, thank you very much :') I hope this update came quick enough for you. :')**

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Alex pushed the door open to the apartment she shared with Philip, and the smell of his cooking hit her instantly. She may have forgotten to eat something at work, as he**r** mind was elsewhere, and her stomach growled in anticipation. Phillip entered from the kitchen to greet her.

"Hey honey, how was your day?" He smiled and leaned in to capture her lips, but Alex turned her face to avoid the intimate gesture.

"Phillip," Alex started, but he smiled sadly and nodded.

"Go get ready for dinner**;i**t'll be ready in ten minutes." He didn't wait to hear her response as he disappeared back into the kitchen to open the wine and let it breathe.

Alex joined him a few moments later, her hair tied up messily and dressed in sweats. He handed her a glass of wine**,** which she gladly accepted**,** and took a long gulp. She needed liquid courage if she was going to be honest with Phillip once and for all.

Phillip searched his brain for something to say**,** but he kept coming up blank. Talking to Alex used to be so easy **-** but not as of late. "You hungry?" he asked, while stirring the pot.

Alex nodded. "Mmhmm."

"It's pretty much ready, go take a seat and I'll have it out in no time."

"Okay." Alex took her glass of wine with her to the dining table and sat down. The table had already been set for two, with two tall candles in the middle. She waited patiently for Phillip to serve dinner, but the nerves were slowly beginning to build in her stomach. So much so; it was starting to outweigh the hunger.

"Here we go, Meatloaf a la Philip," he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Looks great," Alex said, not making eye contact with him.

Phillip sat down across from Alex and doveinto his food. A tension within the silence, fell over the pair for a good few minutes; until Phillip couldn't take anymore and spoke.

"Come on Alex, it's only me. What's going on?" Phillip asked, throwing down his knife and fork in frustration.

"You were right." Alex put down her fork and wiped the corners of her mouth with her napkin.

"About what?"

She raised her eyes to meet his."About my relationship with Olivia."

"Go on**,**" he urged leaning on the table.

Alex took a deep breath. "Before Imoved to Boston, before I met you, I was in a relationship with her. We were together nine months."

"Was it serious?"

Alex nodded sadly before answering."Yes."

"Why did it end?" He probed further, having the need to know all the facts.

Alex began to play with her fingers under the table, a nervous habit she picked up lately. She exhaled sadly as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. She rubbed her forehead tiredly."I ended it. She was devastated**,** but it was for the best at the time**,** or so I thought."

"Why did you choose to end it?"

"Because I was scared. I was falling for her **- **deeply, and so hard, and I wasn't sure I could be the person she needed."

"Are you still in love with her?" Philip braced himself for the answer he didn't want to hear.

"Yes." She whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

Phillip swallowed hard to stop his voice breaking. "Then why get involved with me, and agree to marry me?"

Alex leaned back andstared at her lap, she found it hard to look him back in the eyes. "I loved you, Phillip. I thought I was over Olivia when we met**,** and I also thought by agreeing to marry you I was doing the right thing**,**" she paused. "You are the kind of guy my mother would have been proud to call her son-in-law. I was scared of loving Olivia because of what people would think."

"What's changed now?"

"I realized that what people think of me**,** or my lifestyle**,** doesn't matter. What does matter is how I feel in here**,**" she said touching the left side of her chest. "I love you Phillip, but my heart belongs with her."

Phillip didn't speak for a long few seconds. "I just want you to be happy, Alexandra. I wish I was the one who could make you happy**,** but if that is with Detective Benson, then so be it."

Alex rose to her feet**,** and walked to Phillip's side of the table, she took his face in her hands and looked him squarely in the eyes. "Whomever becomes Mrs. Phillip Reynolds is going to be a very lucky woman**,**" she said then kissed him softly on the lips.

Alex took a step back, and slid her engagement ring off of her finger. "Here, give it to someone who deserves your love."

He took the ring, and slipped it into his pocket. "I'll clear up, then I'll pack my stuff. I'll be out of here by the weekend." Phillip brushed past Alex as he picked up their half eaten dinner plates.

"You don't have to go so soon." Alex's heart sank a little further, the last thing she ever wanted to do - or intended to do - was hurt Philip, but she had just successfully done that. She saw in his face how broken he was, and she hated the fact that she was the cause. Alex knew it was better this way, they both deserved to be truly and honestly happy.

Phillip glanced over his shoulder. "I think it's for the best**,**" he replied mournfully. Alex watched as he disappeared into the darkness of the kitchen. She didn't know how she was meant to feel about the breakdown of her relationship with him or what to do next.

"I'm going out to get some air." Alex shouted through to Philip, as she slipped on her sneakers and warmcoat.

"It's late, will you be ok?" he asked, not exactly happy with her going out, but he did need some time alone to process.

"I'll be fine**,**" she said and ventured out into the cold night air. As she walked along the sidewalk to a destination unknown, she thought about Olivia. The woman, who in all truthfulness, never left her mind or her heart. Alex could kick herself for letting it take this long to figure it all out. As much as she had loved Phillip, she had always loved Olivia more. All she wanted was for Olivia to forgive her so they could finally be together - for good - but the attorney knew she had done a number on the detective so gaining her trust again was probably not going to be easy. Of course she only had herself to blame and if she hadn't been so cowardly in the first place, all this could have been avoided.

Alex stopped in her tracks as she mentally scolded herself for going over 'what ifs'. What ifs were not going to help anyone at this point. The past was in the past, she had to focus on the future.**.**. if there was still a future. Alex stood outside of Olivia's apartment building. The blonde had walked straight to her former love's place without even realising it. She contemplated maybe going up to see her**,** but she wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not. Then again, Alex wanted Olivia to know that she had ended it with Phillip. Alex slowly made her way into the building and climbed the stairs towards the detective's apartment**. **With each step up**;** she argued with herself.

As she reached Olivia's apartment door, she hoped deep down the detective wasn't home. She hesitated before knocking four times. A few seconds passed, although they felt like minutes **-** hours even **-** then Olivia swung open the door.

Alex let her eyes travel up from the detective's feet up to her eyes. A small smile tugged at the corner of the attorney's mouth as she realized Olivia was wearing her old Harvard t-shirt underneath her cotton robe. Given, it was slightly small on the detective but she looked ever so sexy in it**,** nonetheless.

"You're wearing my shirt," the blonde pointed and smiled.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked abruptly, folding her robe tighter around her.

Alex took a step back, not expecting that much hostility. "Uh...I...just wanted to see you," she hesitantly.

"You've seen me," Olivia said as he began to close the door but Alex put her foot in the way to stop her. The detective glared at her. It was the same glare she used to stare down perps.

"Please, Liv," Alex pleaded. "Can I come in? I really need to talk to you."

Olivia exhaled and stood back to open the door, waving Alex through. She positioned herself a foot - or - so away from the blonde.

"What did you need to tell me?" Olivia asked, the frustration and exhaustion evident in her voice. The roller coaster of emotions over the past few months has kept the brunette so confused and tired.

"I broke things off with Phillip tonight." The attorney waited for Olivia to speak but she didn't. "Well... say something."

Olivia scoffed. "What do you want me to say?"

Alex began to play with the button on her coat, as she shifted from side to side. "I don't know, anything."

"Did you expect me to run into your arms, then everything would be forgotten**,** and we'd magically be okay? It doesn't work that way, Alex." The detective said in an even tone that brought chills to the blonde's spine.

"I know that."

"I don't think you do-" Olivia was cut off by Alex closing the gap between them and crashing her lips onto the brunette's. The detective tried to resist but the feel of the blonde's soft lips on hers**, **but they felt too good to push away. Alex poured everything she felt for the detective into their kiss, hoping it would convey what her heart was screaming.

Alex slowly pulled away, cupping her face and resting her forehead on Olivia's. "I miss you**,**" she breathed.

Olivia bit her lower lip. "I still love you, Alex**...**"

Alex's heart swelled upon hearing those words from Olivia's lips.

"...but I don't trust you," Olivia finished taking the attorneys hands away from her face and stepping away from her personal space. "Please, leave." She pleaded, turning away from the love of her life.

Alex's bottom lip quivered. "I'll make this right," she vowed before leaving Olivia alone.

It took everything Olivia had to push Alex away. All she wanted was to have the blonde with her, but she knew in her heart she wasn't ready to let her back in. She silently turned off all the lights in her apartment and took herself to bed where she found herself alone once again. As the detective drifted slowly off to sleep, she found herself reminiscing of happy times with Alex.

_Olivia was stood in her small kitchen putting the finishing touches to the dinner she had made for herself and Alex. She smiled as her heart skipped continuous beats at the thoughts of Alex Cabot. She treasured quiet nights in with her as they were few and far between because of their hectic jobs._

_Olivia gave the sauce a quick taste to make sure it was done then left it to simmer a little longer. She stood back from the stove, and looked around the kitchen to tick off everything in her head. Dinner was almost ready__**,**_ _so she decided to take the bottle of wine she had purchased earlier and poured out two glasses. Just as she was doing so, there were four light raps on her apartment door. She placed the now half full wine glasses onto the counter and went to the door._

_Olivia checked the peephole and her stomach flipped when she saw that it was Alex. She swung open the door and beamed. Alex stepped into the warm and inviting home then without saying a word, and planted her lips on Olivia's. The brunette smiled into the kiss, tugging lightly on Alex coat to bring her in closer._

_Alex laughed as she stumbled into Olivia. "Hi," The blonde murmured against Olivia's lips as she kicked the door shut behind her. "I've been thinking about this all day," she said, shaking her coat off. She tossed it over the couch, and pressed Olivia up against it in the process._

"_You've been thinking about dinner all day?" Olivia teased, running her fingers down Alex's sides._

"_I've been thinking about," Alex started as she nibbled at Olivia's neckline, "... you and what I'd like to do to you."_

_Olivia shivered feeling Alex's hot breath on her neck mixed with the sultriness of her voice. "What did you have mind, counsellor?"_

"_Will dinner keep for a little while longer?" The blonde asked as she slowly shed the detective of her t-shirt._

"_I think so." Olivia nodded._

"_Good," Alex pulled the brunette to her using the hooks of her slacks and then guided her backwards towards the bedroom. Olivia took the opportunity to unbutton Alex's navy blue shirt and slide it off of her shoulders, all the while never breaking eye contact._

_Olivia grinned as the backs of her legs hit the side of the bed. She looked deep into her lovers eyes which were twinkling with desire. "Oh what you do to me, " she whispered against Alex's lips._

_The blonde wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her lips fiercely while Olivia's hand found their way to unzipping Alex's skirt. With their lips still very much together, Alex shimmied out of her skirt and they fell back onto the bed tangled up in each other._

Olivia stirred in her sleep and rolled over to reach out to the other side of the bed. Alex wasn't there. She sat up confused and still half asleep. She'd been dreaming again. She frowned, and fell back heavily onto the pillow and covered her face with her arms.

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**A/N: You know what you gotta do! :') **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you once again for all the reviews, I love you guys! :') I hope you enjoy this next chapter and that it doesn't disappoint. :')**

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A few days had past since the attorney had turned up at her front door. Since that night the detective had not been able to erase the kiss they shared from her memory. A kiss that had imprinted itself on her heart, and held a vice like grip deep within. She still loved Alex, but she needed to be sure; that the blonde in question, wanted her for the long haul. Olivia swung her legs over the side of the bed, having decided it was too early to be contemplating issues of the heart before her first cup of smooth coffee.

The cool air of her apartment hit her warm body; to which she shuddered, and wrapped her robe around herself as she padded towards the coffee pot. She waited impatiently for the pot to warm up and then poured a cup, eventually taking a long awaited sip. She sighed with contentment, as the bitter warmth gave her comfort.

Without giving the time a second thought, she plucked her cell phone from the counter, and searched for Alex's number. Before she lost her courage, Olivia hit the call button, anxiously awaiting for the caller to pick up.

"_Hello?"_ Alex said groggily.

"Hey, it's me. Did I wake you?" Olivia glanced over at the clock; 5:48AM. She hadn't realized how early it was.

"_Liv, hi. No, I was just about to get up. Are you okay?"_ Surprise clear in the attorney's tone.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I just think we really do need to talk. Feelings were a little too raw, and I feel like we owe it to each other to hear each other out."

"_I agree, do you want me to come over after work?"_ The blonde suggested.

"I don't think you coming here is such a good idea."

"_Ok, what about my office?"_ Alex said eagerly.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I'll drop by after I get finished at the precinct."

"_No problem, see you then."_

The brunette could feel Alex smiling through the phone. "Yeah, see you then." Olivia hung up and for a moment wondered if she was doing the right thing. Talking was good. A step in the right direction... or so she hoped.

Alex stood at the window of her office looking out at her many colleagues, who were now more than likely finishing up for the evening. She knew most of them would be going home to loved ones: wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, kids. She sighed sadly, silently hoping that one day she would have those joys. More than anything, she hoped she would have that with Olivia. Going home to Olivia every night, like she had done a few times when they were together, sounded so sweet - was, so sweet.

After watching the world go by for a while, she closed the blinds for privacy, and began to set her office up for Olivia's pending arrival. Her stomach flipped over and over as the time neared. When she finished a good few minutes later she took a step back to convey the scene in front of her. She nodded, satisfied and apparently had finished just in time as a knock on her door alerted her to the detective's presence.

Alex inhaled deeply to calmed herself. "Come in." she called out.

Olivia opened the door, smiling gingerly - then her smile faded. She hadn't expected what was laid out before her. The office was dimly lit with a blanket cast across the floor adorned by two cushions and a few candles on the side table. Alex's laptop sat upon her desk playing soft music.

"Alex..." Olivia breathed, her gaze finding the floor. "I can't.." she added turning on her heels.

Alex stepped over the cushions on the floor and grabbed the brunette's arm to stop her from leaving. "Liv, please. Stay." When Olivia didn't respond the blonde dropped her hand from Olivia's arm to her hand, taking it in hers. "I need you to see how serious I am about you. About us."

Olivia scoffed and drew her hand away from the younger woman. "The kind of serious you were before you broke my heart?"

Alex stammered unable to get her words out; having not expected the hostility.

"Do you honestly think a bit of mood lighting and music is going to make me see how serious you are?" The brunette asked, anger quickly rising within her.

"I'm trying here!" Alex snapped.

Olivia seethed, as she stepped into Alex's space. "You can't just fuck your way back into my heart, Alex, it's not that easy!"

The blonde winced at her words and the anger started to boil inside her. "Is that how little you think of me? That's unfair, Olivia, and you know it!"

"Unfair? Let's talk about that, shall we!?" Olivia's voice rose a few decibels higher. "Unfair is when you make someone fall for you, tell them you love them**,** and then a few months down the line you turn around and tell them: oh wait, it's not working out, but its for the best!" Olivia laughed bitterly unaware of the tears starting to form. "And then if that wasn't enough, you saunter back into their life with a new lover in tow. Not only that**,** but I find out you're engaged**,** and then because I didn't want to hurt you **-** ironic**,** really**,** isn't it? - I agreed to sit through lunch _and_ drinks with the both of you**;** to show you I was being supportive. And to top it all off**:** I had to sit and watch another person**,** who wasn't me - and a man, no less - kiss you, touch you**,** and hold your hand the way I wanted to...the way I used to."

Alex fought against her own emotions as she watched the love of her life slowly fall apart before her very eyes. She hadn't realised up until this moment how much pain she had caused her. The hurt was etched all over her face, she felt every last stab Olivia felt and she deserved every blow.

The detective's voice broke as she continued recounting the events of the past few months. "Let's not forget the night at the restaurant: you saw me finally enjoying myself with David, who _you_ set me up with. Then it seems you come over jealous like a Neanderthal**,** because you saw someone else playing with your toy**,** and you couldn't handle it. So you kissed me."

Olivia once again blinking back tears in the process, caught her breath as she calmed herself. Her voice softened**,** now feeling more pain than anger. "You made me feel cheap, Alex, like I wasn't good enough for you then all of sudden, because I was laughing with him, enjoying myself, you decide the feelings you had for me never left? As much as I still love you, you can't keep playing with my emotions like that, it's not fair. My heart... my heart can't take it anymore."

All Alex wanted to do at that point was to take the older woman in her arms and make it all go away, but she feared Olivia's anger would flare up again.

"Olivia," Alex said tentatively. "I'm done hurting you."

The brunette worried her lower lip. "I want to believe you...my heart does, but my mind doesn't."

The blonde hesitantly stepped closer. "How can I change that?"

"You tell me." Olivia shrugged**,** and took a seat on the couch by the door. She sighed heavily and rubbed her tired eyes. She rested her elbows on her knees**,** and cradled her forehead **i**n her hands.

Alex sat cautiously next to Olivia. "You look exhausted."

"I'm not sure how long I **- **we **-** can keep going on like this." Oliva said, as her eyes remained focused on the floor.

Alex turned her body to face Olivia. "Please don't give up on us. We can be good again." the blonde placed her hand on Olivia's thigh, the unconscious action still remained natural. "Please give us another chance?" She asked softly.

The brunette dropped her arms and leaned back against the couch. "I don't know, Alex, I'm really tired," she said, allowing her tired eyes a moment to rest.

"You don't have to make a decision right away. All I ask: please don't write us off?" Alex pleaded as her eyes searched the detectives face. She could see and feel the exhaustion radiating off of the detective. She wondered how long Olivia hadn't been sleeping properly and her heart instantly ached.

"Olivia?" Alex asked. When she received no response, she knew Olivia had allowed sleep to take her over.

Alex sat back, resting her back against the couch**,** and carefully pulled the sleeping woman to her holding her close. Olivia shifted as she made herself comfortable, nestling her head in the crook of the attorney's neck, no longer aware of where she was. Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and gently kissed the top of her head.

"I promise I will never hurt you again. You're the only one I have ever truly loved." Alex whispered**,** hoping somehow Olivia would hear her.

Olivia walked into the Special Victims squad room**,** and wasn't surprised to find she was the first one in. It was a regular occurrence. She had thought about going home to change**,** and maybe shower**,** but after her emotional breakdown the previous night with Alex **-** home was the last place she wanted to be. Luckily for the Detective, she always kept a spare change of clothes in her locker for those occasions during a particularly draining case when she didn't' have time to go home. Olivia started to make her way towards the showers in the locker room when a voice from behind stopped her.

"Olivia?"

She spun around to meet the eyes of her Captain.

"What are you doing here so early?" Cragen asked.

Olivia smiled softly, clearly filled with distress. "Couldn't sleep."

Cragen walked up to her, his face laden with concern. "You look exhausted."

"I wish people would stop telling me that. I'm fine, I was actually just going to try catching some sleep in the crib**,**" she said, shrugging off his concern.

"Why don't you go home? Take a day. Get some rest**,**" he suggested**.**

"No, Cap. I'm honestly fine." Olivia squeezed his forearm to reassure him.

Cragen studied her for a few seconds before relenting. "Okay, if you're sure. Go grab a bunk, I'll send one of the guys to get you if you're needed."

Olivia nodded appreciatively. "Thanks."

A few hours later Olivia was sound asleep, until she was rudely awakened by Nick shaking her.

"Olivia, we got a call, get up,we gotta go."

The brunette stretched and sat up as Nick handed her a cup of coffee. "Thanks," she mumbled rising to her feet to try to walk off the exhaustion that still lingered. She followed him out into the squad room**,** and set her coffee cup aside on her desk as she messily tied her tresses up.

She swung her coat onto her shoulders. "What we got?" she asked, almost fully in detective mode.

"Domestic disturbance call up in Harlem," Nick replied picking up the car keys.

Olivia holstered her gun, and slid her cell into her back pocket. "Let's go."

Ten minutes later,Nick screeched the car to a halt outside of a apartment building.

"What apartment called it in?" Olivia asked eyeing up the building before them.

"3B."

Just as they got out of the car a woman exited the building; running towards them in a panic.

"He has my son! He's up there!" She ranted at Nick**,** who had to try and calm her down to make sense of what she was saying. "Please, help my son, he's crazy!"

"What's your name?" He probed.

"Sarah**,**" the woman replied breathlessly.

"Who's crazy? Who has your son?" Nick asked as calm as possible.

The caucasian woman, who was possibly in her mid-thirties, inhaled and gripped onto Nick for dear life. "My ex, he's crazy," she repeated. "He has a gun!"

Nick's head snapped up**,** as he looked around for Olivia. She was nowhere to be found.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "Wait, right here Sarah, okay?" Nick handed the woman off to an officer, as he raced to his squad car, and picked up the radio. "SVU Portable to Central. We need back up at West 125th Street and Lenox Avenue. Be advised, suspect is armed and is holding a minor hostage. Detectives already on scene." He threw the receiver down**,** and took out his cell to try and reach Olivia. "How old is your son?" He asked Sarah.

"He's nine. His name's Jake. Please help him."

"We're going to do everything we can. What's your ex's name?" He asked, as he speed dialed his partners number again.

Olivia cautiously headed towards apartment 3B, keeping one hand on her gun at all times. She rounded the corner, and just as she did, her cell vibrated in her pocket again.

"Benson**,**" she whispered.

"_Liv, she says her son's name is Jake__**,**_ _and her ex's name is Peter. He has a gun. Back up is on the way. Don't try to be a hero."_

Olivia's heart pumped faster at his words. "Okay." she replied and hung up. She found herself standing outside of 3B a few moments later**,** and calmed herself before knocking.

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**A/N: Liked what you've read? Then let me know in the box below. :')**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you once again for the feedback on the last chapter, you keep reviewing, I'll keep the updates coming! :') Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the others.**

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"Peter, this is Detective Olivia Benson with the NYPD. Can you open up so we can talk?" Olivia asked softly.

"NO! GO AWAY! You're only here to take my son away from me**,**" he yelled from inside the apartment.

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her cool, "No, that's not true, I want to help you."

"No you don't! You're a liar just like everyone else!"

"Please help me-!" A child's voice pierced the air, but was immediately muffled, obviously by his father.

"Peter, how about you let Jake go**,** and then we can talk about this?" She tried to reason.

"NO! Jake stays with me! He's _my_ son!"

Olivia scrubbed her teeth along her lower lip. "Okay, okay," she said, realizing she was going to have to take a different approach. "Peter, in a few minutes this place will be swarming with a SWAT team, and when that happens: I won't be able to help you."

"They come anywhere near me or my son, I will kill us both!" Peter shouted frantically, and Olivia could tell by the tone in his voice, she was getting to him. Her heart tightened when she heard Jake scream in ear.

"Then all you have to do is let me in**,** and they'll keep their distance." The brunette rested her forehead on the doorframe. "Can you do that?"

She heard shuffling on the other side so she stood back.

"Hands up where I can see them!" Peter demanded. Olivia obeyed instantly, then listened as the lock clicked**,** and the door slowly opened to reveal a gun being pointed at her.

"Get in," he commanded, as he pulled her inside clearly not happy with her speed. Olivia stumbled in and noticed Jake sitting on the couch, tears streaming down his face. He**r** first instinct was to race over to him, which she did, and she quickly checked him over for any cuts or bruises. There were none. The next thing Olivia knew, she had cold metal pressed against the back of her neck.

"Don't touch him!" Peter said cooly. "Move away." He kept the barrel of the gun firmly on the detective's neck as he guided her to the opposite side of the room. "Put your hands on your head."

Olivia did as he asked. "I think you should let Jake go. He's scared."

Peter scoffed. "He's not scared of his old man, are ya son?" He ruffled Jakes hair.

Jake shook his head, paralyzed with fear.

"If he should be scared of anyone, it's his mother. She's the reason for all of this!" He maniacally waved his arms in the air.

Olivia looked around at the small apartment, and noticed there had been a struggle. A broken vase and mug lay across the laminate floor of the kitchen area. "What happened?"

Peter scratched the side of his head with the gun. "She's getting remarried. She's moving to England, and taking our son...MY son, with them. She's trying to phase me out! Trying to turn my son against me**,**" he took a dramatic pause. "I can't let them do that!"

The brunette looked to Jake and then to Peter. "You're not doing anything to help yourself here. If you hurt Jake, Sarah won't let you anywhere near him ever again. But if you let him go**;** that will look good for you. If you love your son as much as you say you do, then you have to let him go."

Peter's shoulders dropped. "I can't, he's all I have." He took his eyes away from Olivia**,** so she took the opportunity to signal to Jake to run. The boy was so scared he couldn't move.

"It's ok, go." Olivia mouthed softly in Jake' direction.

Without giving it another thought Jake took off, unlocking the door and running for his life.

"JAKE! JAKE! YOUGET BACK HERE!" Peter yelled.

Olivia quickly went to take out her weapon but she was stopped in her tracks by Peter once again, pointing his gun at her.

"_THIS_, is all your fault!" he sneered getting right up in her personal space. He rested the gun on her temple and cocked the trigger. Olivia's heart pounded and her breathing became laboured, although she managed to not let it show too much."Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here, right now?"

As the brunette was about to answer, the door burst open and members of the SWAT team swarmed in, taking Peter by surprise so Olivia kneed him hard between his legs. He crumbled in pain to the floor as she pushed his face into the floor, and put one knee on his back to secure him in the handcuffs.

"Liv.." Nick entered the apartment behind the SWAT and went straight to his partner's side. "Are you alright?"

She nodded and took a deep breath she didn't' know she'd been holding. "Yeah, I think so."

"What did I say to you? Don't try to be a hero! You could've gotten yourself hurt!" He said through gritted teeth.

"You would have done the same thing in my shoes," Olivia replied**,** as another police officer took Peter away.

"Probably," Nick nodded, his anger subsiding after seeing for himself that Olivia was unharmed. "Wait for back up next time though, ok?"

Olivia smiled and nodded her affirmative. "We better take Sarah's full statement."

Nick agreed, and followed Olivia out as they went to check on Jake, and take down Sarah's version of events.

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Five hours later, Olivia found herself back at her apartment. She had never been so glad to get home. After she and Nick had taken Sarah's statement; they headed back to the 1-6, and no sooner had she stepped foot into the squad room, Cragen announced that IAB wanted to see her and take her account of the situation. They grilled her for a good two hours, going through every little detail. It was procedure of course, but there was no saying she had to like it.

She padded into her bedroom, and threw her jacket onto the bed; as she continued to shred herself of her remaining garments. Olivia couldn't wait to get into the shower and wash the day off of her, and catch up on some well needed sleep. She picked up a freshly washed towel and glanced over at her alarm clock. It was only 5:19 in the evening, but she was completely exhausted. The day had drained her**,** and sleeping in Alex's office the night before didn't help her almost crippling exhaustion. She stepped into the shower, and pulled the curtain behind her, letting the hot water wash away the remainders of the work day.

Olivia reluctantly emerged from the temporary oasis twenty five minutes later, it was one of the most relaxing showers she had had in a long time**,** but as she was beginning to look like a prune, she figured it was maybe time to get out. She dried herself off and blow dried her hair, she was never one to go to bed with wet hair. She remembered Alex used to do that nearly all the time and it drove her mad. Once her hair was dry she pulled out a clean pair of grey sweatpants, a black tank top, and some extra thick socks to keep her feet warm. She got dressed and then devoured a bagel just to keep her rumbling stomach quiet.

She settled herself on her couch to catch up on some tv shows that she had recorded over the last couple of days. She scrolled through her Tivo, pulling the throw off the back of the couch and nestling into it. An hour or two into a _Fringe_ catch-up, she had nodded off to sleep. That was until a brash knocking on her apartment door woke her up. Startled, she sat up and squinted as her eyes adjusted to the lighting. She walked to the door and shook off her sleepiness. She blinked a few times before opening it.

Without saying a word, Alex rushed to her and began checking the older woman over for any visual signs of hurt. Alex held Olivia's face in her hands, tilting her head left and right making sure to check every part of her body for marks, scratches, abrasions - anything. Olivia startled by the inspection did not know what to say. When Alex was satisfied she had remained unharmed, the she let go of the detective.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" Alex nearly screamed barging past the bewildered detective into the apartment.

"Please, come in," Olivia said dryly, mentally processing the situation before her.

Alex dropped her purse onto the couch, turned to face Olivia, arms folded and eyes burning with anger. "I heard about your little stunt today!"

Suddenly realising what Alex's full body check was all about, Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed exasperated. "I was doing my job, Alex."

"He had a gun Olivia!" The blonde yelled, Olivia's blase attitude only fuelling the fire she felt inside. "And not to mention the fact that you completely ignored protocol, and went in without back up!"

"I couldn't wait around for back up, there was a little boy in danger," she snapped, not really in the mood to be lectured. "I'm fine, still alive, still here, now if you wouldn't mind, I'm really tired," Olivia said, turning to open her apartment door. "Can you please leave?" she asked, slightly irritated.

"I'm not going anywhere till you realize how much of an idiot you were today," Olivia opened her mouth to speak but Alex held her index finger up, silencing the brunette immediately. "Yes, I know, there was a child involved but you _could_ have been killed! You had _*no*_ idea what the mentality of that guy was, but you went in there and you risked your life!"

"I risk my life every damn day, counselor!" Olivia shouted back, slamming her door shut since she knew Alex wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"Don't you think I know that, _detective!_" Alex spat.

Olivia scowled and stared Alex down. The blonde couldn't take Olivia looking at her like that so she averted her gaze, and turned herself away from the brunette.

"You just don't get it," Alex said, her voice smaller and softer than a few seconds before.

Olivia heaved a sigh. "What? What don't I get?" She asked placing her hands on her hips.

Alex hung her head. "I could have lost you," she said, barely above a whisper. "And that thought alone, scares the hell out of me." Her voice trembled. She leaned against the couch, almost as if it was holding her up, the single thought of losing the detective made her legs feel like jelly.

Olivia's heart sank and the guilt washed over her as she watched Alex break before. Alex's shoulders started to shake. Alex turned back around to face Olivia. Silent tears fell over her porcelain cheeks and brunette closed the gap between them. Taking Alex's face in her hands gently wiped away the few tears that escaped. The older woman looked deep into Alex's eyes and for the first time in long time, she finally saw Alex's true feelings reflected back at her.

Olivia gathered the younger woman in her tight embrace. "I'm sorry."

Alex allowed herself to close her eyes. "Promise me you'll be more careful in the future," she whispered into the detective's hair, taking in the familiar and comforting scent of her shampoo.

"I promise," Olivia whispered back and then pulled away breaking the warm contact much to Alex's dismay. Neither of them said anything or parted completely for a good few seconds.

Alex smiled at Olivia. "Now what?"

"I don't know." Olivia smiled back. "I was going to try and get an early night, since last night was spent mostly at your office."

"Yes, I'm pretty beat myself." Alex said, remembering every detail of the fight the night before. Olivia stepped away from Alex to which the blonde frowned inwardly. The blonde glanced from her hands then to Olivia. "But um...I don't really want to be alone tonight." she stammered as heat rose to her cheeks.

The brunette suddenly found the floor very interesting. "You can spend the night here; if you want to?"

"Are you sure?" Alex asked skeptically.

"Sure, you can have my bed. I'll take the couch." Olivia nodded.

"Oh," The blonde replied a little disheartened. She had hoped Olivia had meant that she could spend the night with her, in her bed, but as this was as closest as she had gotten to that in months, she decided it was better than nothing at all. "I'm not imposing am I?"

"No of course not," The brunette reassured her as she went into the bedroom to retrieve an extra pillow for herself. "It'll be kinda nice to have you around," she added returning with a pair of shorts and t-shirt for Alex to change into.

The two women fell silent as Olivia's words floated in the air above them. Alex smiled sweetly and took the change of clothes from Olivia.

"Thanks," Alex smiled.

Another silence fell upon them, neither woman knowing what to say next. Olivia averted her gaze from Alex and went to put the lock on the door. She slowly turned around and leant against the door.

"I think I'm gonna hit the hay," Olivia pushed herself off the frame and started to make up the couch.

Alex sighed. "Yeah, me too," she replied and headed towards Olivia's bedroom. Before the blonde closed the door she poked her head around the frame. "Goodnight, Liv."

The detective looked up and gave Alex her a warm smile. "Goodnight, Alex."

With that, Alex closed the door as Olivia looked on. The brunette lay down on the couch heavily, and began to wonder if now was the right time to give things with Alex another chance, or if there would ever be right time. She let out a long puff of air and rested her right arm over her forehead. She picked her cell phone up off the coffee table to check the time; 9:38. She was truly beat and it wasn't long before exhaustion took over and she was sound asleep.

A few hours later Olivia woke up with a start after having a dream, which she could no longer remember. She just knew it was strange and it gave her a dry mouth. Sleepily she pulled herself up off the couch, and padded to the kitchen. She pulled a glass from the cabinet quietly, as to not wake the sleeping blonde in her bed, and poured a glass of water.

She took a long sip of the icy cold water and wondered whether to check on Alex, just to be sure she was sleeping alright. Olivia placed the empty glass in the sink, and tiptoed over to her bedroom opened it ever so gently, but it still gave off a slight creak. Olivia grimaced at the sound and watched as Alex stirred, making an adorable 'mmh' sound at the same time.

The brunette leaned against the doorframe, and let her eyes trail over the sleeping form. Back when they were together she had always found watching Alex sleep to be very calming. She loved the noises she made when she dreamt, and the way she looked so peaceful. At that moment, Olivia realised she didn't want to just be on the outside looking in, she wanted to be right there with her.

With apprehensions pushed aside: Olivia closed the door to behind her, moved over to the bed, and carefully climbed in behind Alex. She lay on her right side and draped her arm over the sleeping woman. Olivia pulled Alex to her so she was effectively spooning the younger woman.

Alex stirred once again. "Olivia," she mumbled, half asleep.

"Shhh, go back to sleep," Olivia whispered, and tenderly kissed the back of Alex's neck. She snuggled into the blonde, and smiled to herself. Being with Alex right then and there, never felt so right.

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**A/N: If you liked it, can you please let me know below? :')**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This update took longer than expected to post, my apologies. Hope it was worth the wait. :') FYI - I have the best Beta on this planet! :')**

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The following morning rolled around faster than either woman had anticipated. Alex was the first to enter the land of the living. She opened her eyes slowly letting her eyes adjust to the morning light as she let out a long yawn. As she contorted her body, loosening up the tired muscles, she felt a hand shift positions on her abdomen. Puzzled, she peeked under the covers and saw an olive skinned arm draped over her. She recognized that arm. Olivia's.

The blonde pulled the covers back down over her to shield herself from the frosty air. As she did, she vaguely remembered waking up at some point and saying Olivia's name. She smiled hopefully. She turned over and couldn't contain her happiness; when she was faced with the sleeping brunette lying beside her.

Alex found herself unable to take her eyes of Olivia, the fear that if she did, it might all just be a dream. She watched the detectives chest rise and fall, and observed just how naturally beautiful she was. Very few people got to see Olivia this way and Alex wanted to make sure she was the only person to see her like this.

Alex faintly traced her finger tips over Olivia's cheek, down her neck, and over her shoulder. The blonde smiled as her sleeping detective began to rouse from her slumber. Olivia blinked back the sleep from her eyes, allowing a tired smile spread across her face.

"Morning," Olivia said smiling, her voice thick with sleep.

"Good morning," Alex grinned, continuing to draw circles on Olivia's upper arm as brown eyes found blue. "Get scared on the couch?" Alex teased.

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes at the blonde. "It was cold," she mock pouted.

The blonde smiled then averted her gaze and interlaced her fingers with Olivia's. "In all seriousness, though: how come you're here, in bed, with me?"

Olivia looked to their joined hands. "We still have a lot to talk about, but," she started, taking her hand from Alex's, and lifting the younger woman's chin so she could look into her eyes. "I just missed you." She cupped her cheek tenderly.

Alex grasped the brunette's wrist and closed her eyes as she kissed the palm of her hand. "I love you," she whispered.

"I know," Olivia replied softly. As much as she wanted to say those words back, she couldn't. As much as she loved the attorney, she was scared to let herself fall so freely once again. The brunette leaned over towards Alex, who turned her head and their lips were millimeters apart. Olivia shifted her gaze from Alex's eyes to her lips and back again their lips touched for the briefest of seconds. Those brief seconds were all they needed.

Olivia captured the blonde's lips in hers, and the spark between them was kiss stayed tentative and slow, as they rediscovered each others lips. Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's thick brown hair, and the need for more of the brunette overtook her, and she pulled Olivia closer. The detective responded by rolling her body half way over onto Alex's, and their kiss became deeper.

Olivia loved the feel of the attorney's hands roaming her body, but something inside her made her break the contact.

"Alex, wait-" Olivia said in between kisses from the blonde.

Alex pulled back breathlessly. "What?"

Olivia rolled onto her back, and covered her eyes with her arm. "This isn't right."

The blonde leant up on her elbow, and stared down at the woman beside her with concern. She gently moved Olivia's arm from the beautiful eyes she was concealing."Why? What do you mean?"

"We have do this right, take it slow. I need to be one hundred percent sure that you're here to stay."

"But I swore to you I'm not going anywhere, I don't know in how many times, or in how many different ways, I can tell you that." Alex replied, sitting up with her back to Olivia.

Olivia sighed. "You have to understand Alex, you left me broken and I'm scared to fall for you all over again just to end up back in that place."

"Argh!" Alex exclaimed getting up off the bed and pacing the bedroom floor. "You don't have to keep telling me how much I broke you, okay? I understand!I feel like a terrible person, and I hate that I tainted your perception of me. But I do love you. More than I've loved anyone in my whole life, and I'll be damned if I'm letting anything come between us ever again. I've learned my lesson."

Olivia crawled to the other side of the bed, and kneeled at the edge. "Alex, come here." she said softly.

The blonde stopped pacing, and approached Olivia, who took her hands in hers. Alex's gaze fixed in their hands.

"Look at me," The brunette stated, and waited till Alex was looking her firmly in the eyes. "You are not a terrible person, and I'm sorry I keep bringing up the past. I want you back in my life, for good, but I need you to show me you're in this for the long haul."

Alex nodded. "I understand, I will make it all up to you, and prove to you I'm here to stay. I don't know how yet, but how about we start with dinner at my place: Friday night?" She suggested hopefully.

Olivia smiled, and then hesitated before answering. "What about Phillip?"

The blonde shifted her gaze from Olivia's. "He moved out yesterday."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said genuinely, as she caressed Alex's cheek.

Alex smiled softly, and placed her hand on top of the brunette's. "I'm not," she replied as she tentatively closed the space between them, and brushed her lips over Olivia's. Olivia moaned softly, and pulled the attorney closer to her, so their bodies were pressing against one another. Alex's hand found its way up Olivia's side and under her tank top, but Olivia stopped her before she could go any higher.

"I do want this," The detective breathed against Alex's ear.

"Then don't stop me," the attorney replied, her breathing quickening.

Olivia's head swirled as Alex began to kiss her pulse point below her ear. "Oh god..." She sighed and turned her head letting Alex get better access, her body reacting and defying what her brain was telling her. Just as she was about to give in to her body's needs, her alarm clock rang out causing an inward groan from her partner.

"Ignore it," Alex pleaded, but it was too late, Olivia had snapped out of her aroused state, and quickly reached over to turn it off. Alex sat heavily down on the bed.

"Sorry, but I have to get ready for work." Olivia said, sitting next to Alex and placing a tender kiss to Alex's bare shoulder. "Maybe after dinner on Friday, we could pick up where we left off and see how it goes?"

Alex turned to face the brunette. "I'd like that." She smiled and pecked the detective on the lips. "You're all I want, Olivia."

Olivia gave Alex her a grin, and with one last quick kiss to the her lips, she left the her alone as she headed for the shower.

Olivia knocked softly a few times on the door to Alex's apartment and waited with baited breath for her to answer. The past couple of days had completely dragged on, and now - finally - her dinner date with Alex was here. Her stomach had been doing somersaults all day, and had gotten worse as it progressed. She smoothed down her navy satin dress and took a moment to compose herself as she heard footsteps approaching the other side of the door.

As Alex opened the door, Olivia let her eyes travel from the attorney's feet, up her shapely long legs to her black pencil skirt, silk turquoise button down shirt to her perfect porcelain features, and her cascading long blonde hair which Olivia loved.

"Hey," Olivia sighed. "You look amazing."

Alex smiled bashfully. "I could say the same about you, detective," she said flirtatiously. "Come in, dinner's almost ready." Alex said as she took her coat and closed the door behind them.

The smell from whatever Alex was cooking filled Olivia's senses, and her stomach growled in anticipation which both women heard and started to laugh. "Good, because apparently I'm hungry," she chuckled. "What are we having?"

"Filet mignon; topped with tomatoes, basil. and goat cheese. I just have to put it under the broiler to melt the cheese. I hope you'll like it." Alex replied as she went back into the kitchen to pour a couple of drinks.

The brunette's mouth watered at the mention of steak. "I'm sure I'll love it," she shouted through to Alex as she took in her surroundings. Everything was pretty much the same as she remembered it. Floor to ceiling windows; that looked out onto the City of New York. The decor was pretty modern and white - or cream - was the main colour theme throughout. Olivia sat down on the couch, and remembered the many times they had both fallen asleep on it mid-movie. She smiled and became lost in her memories as Alex breezed back into the living room.

"Wine?" Alex asked, holding out a glass to the detective.

"Uh, thank you," Olivia took the glass and took a long sip. "Sorry, lost in thought."

The blonde took a seat next to Olivia. "What were you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing," she said waving her off with a smile.

"Whatever you say, but you had quite a grin on your face." Alex teased secretly hoping she had been thinking of her. The timer in the kitchen sounded alerting the her to dinner being ready. "Steaks are ready, go have a seat at the table, and I'll be right with you," she said holding her hand out to help Olivia to her feet. Every touch from the detective sent a familiar warmth through her.

After a few moments of rustling in the kitchen, Alex appeared - two plates in hand - and she set one down in front of Olivia.

"This looks wonderful, Alex." Olivia picked up her knife and fork as Alex watched, waiting for her to take the first bite. Olivia placed the first bite of the steak in her mouth and she sighed. "Mmm, this is so good."

"Really? I'm glad you like it. Its the first time I've cooked this, but I know you love steak." She said, feeling slightly embarrassed by the praise for her cooking.

"You can cook this all the time for me," Olivia smirked seductively, while devouring the meal before her.

"I will if you'll let me." The blonde said quietly, half wanting Olivia to hear her words and half not.

Olivia heard those last words Alex's uttered, but she was too engrossed in her food to respond. A silence fell over them as they enjoyed their meal and each other's company.

Once both plates were cleared of any remaining food, Olivia wiped her mouth with her napkin and sat back in her chair.

"I really enjoyed that, thank you," she smiled across the table at the blonde.

"You're very welcome," she replied. "Now, I didn't have time it make or buy any dessert, but I do have some Ben and Jerry's in the freezer." She said proudly that she had something that mimicked desert.

Olivia indulged her. "What flavor?"

"Um..Cookie dough, I think."

"One of my favorites."

"I know," Alex said softly as she stood to clear their plates.

Olivia watched as Alex rounded the corner to the kitchen, and took another long pull of her wine. She rose to her feet, and followed her where she found her in the freezer digging out the ice cream.

"Found it!" Alex shouted, still thinking Olivia was sitting at the dining room table.

"Alex."

Alex jumped. "Geez, Liv. I thought you were.." She trailed off noticing the look in Olivia's eyes.

The brunette slowly made her way over to Alex and stopped in her personal space. Olivia took the ice cream from the attorney's hand and put it down on the counter beside them.

"Forget the ice cream," Olivia stated as she pressed her lips firmly on the blonde's. Alex was startled by the action, but she soon found her footing and gladly wrapped her arms around the detective's pushed her backwards till Alex's body came into contact with the counter which didn't stop her. Olivia hoisted the blonde up so she was sitting on the granite top, and positioned herself between her legs as best she could since Alex was wearing a fitting skirt.

Olivia kissed her way down Alex's neck to just above the top button on her shirt, and started to unfasten them, as they were only getting in her way. Alex rested her head back against the cabinets, enjoying the contact she had been longing for so long. She didn't want to stop what Olivia was doing, but she had a plan for tonight - and this wasn't it. Alex grabbed Olivia's hands to stop her unbuttoning her shirt. "Liv, wait...stop."

* * *

**A/N: Did I leave this chapter at a good enough place for ya? ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys, **

**Sorry this has taken me so long to get posted, as a thank you to you for staying with this and all the favourites, reviews etc, I'm posting the last two chapters together. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Thank you once again for reading and reviewing. :')**

**Renconteur, my beta-reader, thanks for putting up with me. You're awesome! :') xo**

**Lizi xo**

* * *

Olivia looked up at her dazed and confused. "Stop?"

"Just for a few minutes, You see I...," she paused, jumped off the counter, and moved away from Olivia; which caused the older woman to wonder what had gone wrong. "You're going to think this is strange, but I had an idea of how this evening should go, and well..." she trailed off.

Olivia folded her arms, highly amused by the blonde. "How did this plan of yours go?"

The attorney shifted nervously, desperately trying to ease the ache Olivia induced between her legs."Well, everything did go as planned, but there was one part that we missed out - or I should say - that _I _missed out."

The detective cocked an eyebrow. "Ok then, what did you miss out?"

Alex hesitated momentarily before grabbing Olivia's hand and guiding her towards the bedroom.

"Uh..Alex, what can we do in here that we couldn't do out there?" Olivia teased motioning with her head towards the room they had just vacated.

"Just shut up for a second." Alex smirked, gaining another cocked eyebrow from the beauty before her. She motioned for Olivia to sit on the bed, while Alex remained standing before her and then she reached into her bedside table drawer. "Now I have something I want to give you, but it's not what you think, so I don't want you to freak out."

Olivia furrowed her brow, trying to take in what Alex had just told her. "Honey, you're speaking in code."

Alex smiled that quickly turned into a grin. "You just called me _honey_."

"I guess I did," the brunette grinned back. "Now stop stalling, Cabot. What do you want to give me?"

"Close your eyes."

"Alex," Olivia groaned, but did as she asked.

"No peeking," she said waving her hands in front of Olivia's eyes to check she wasn't doing just that. "Now hold out your hands."

Olivia held out her hands. "This is so unfair."

"Still as impatient as ever I see." The attorney said with a sly grin as she placed the item in the palm of Olivia's hands. "Open your eyes."

Olivia slowly opened her eyes to see a small velvet box sitting there in her palms. "Alex...what.." she spoke confused.

"Remember: it's not what you think. Open it," she urged gently.

Olivia opened the box to find a platinum ring inside. It was adorned with three single diamonds, simple but elegant. Words eluded the detective as she admired the thoughtful gift.

"It's an eternity ring." Alex said, her voice barely above a whisper. As she waited for the brunette to say something, her stomach continued to do flips, and her dinner threatened to make a reappearance. "Do you like it?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes," she breathed, her eyes transfixed on the ring.

"I just wanted you to know how sure I am about you - about us," she paused hoping for a response before adding. "It's always going to be you and me for eternity, Liv."

Olivia took the ring from its confinement, set the velvet box beside her,and brought her eyes up to meet Alex's ocean of blue. "It's beautiful."

That's when Alex noticed the tears in the brunette's eyes. She took her thumb and carefully wiped away the drops that fell.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Olivia breathed out as she held the ring out to Alex.

"Yes please," the blonde replied, a lump arising in her throat. She took the ring and slowly placed it on Olivia's right ring finger. "It fits perfectly." she beamed.

"Thank you," Olivia smiled. She gathered Alex's face in her hands and kissed her softly and languidly.

Alex pulled back after a few seconds, and looked into the brunette's darkening brown eyes as if silently asking for permission to continue. Olivia smiled as her eyes flickered from Alex's eyes to her mouth and back again. As she kept eye contact with Alex, the brunette rose to her feet and pulled the zip of her dress slowly down her left side. After unzipping and carefully pushing it to the floor, Olivia shimmied out of it. Alex felt the heat rise between her legs as Olivia was left exposed before her in matching black lace lingerie.

Olivia stepped out, kicking the dress to one side, which in Alex's opinion looked good on her bedroom licked her lips at the sight of the brunette before her then closed the gap by snaking her arms around Olivia's waist; pulling her as close as possible. In response the detective wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, and brought their lips together in a tender, slow kiss. The attorney let her hands ghost along Olivia's waist which caused a shiver in the older woman. Alex grinned into the kiss, pleased with the reaction she had gotten. The brunette grinned back and backed away from Alex's embrace slightly.

Without a word Olivia laid down on the bed so her head was resting on the pillows, and beckoned her partner to follow her. Alex hitched her rather restricting skirt up over her knees and climbed onto the bed then straddled the detective, keeping her firmly between her legs.

With a smile, she silently reached for Olivia's hand, and placed her palm over her pounding heart. "Don't ever question it, Olivia, my heart beats only for you," Alex whispered, her eyes locked on the woman beneath her.

The brunette grinned from ear-to-ear, and grabbed Alex's shirt effectively pulling her down on top of her and grazed the tip of her tongue over the younger woman's lips teasingly, before kissing her fiercely. As Alex lost herself in the kiss she failed to notice that Olivia had skillfully unhooked every button on her shirt and was pushing it down over her shoulders. When she realized what was happening she slipped the garment off her arms, and her hands instantly found Olivia's breasts, expertly kneading them over the thin fabric of her bra. Olivia moaned, and leaned up to once again catch the attorneys lips in hers. Alex took the opportunity to reach round and unclasped Olivia's bra and slid it down her arms, their kisses never ending.

The brunette sucked on Alex's lower lip before sliding her tongue into her mouth, where both females battled for dominance. The attorney lifted her knee, and groaned in frustration at the minimal movement her attire allowed. She briefly detached herself from the detectives lips, unzipped herskirt, and shed it quickly - with a little help from Olivia - and onto the floor.

"So much better," Olivia smiled, her tone filled with arousal. She took the opportunity to take in the blonde beauty in front of her, dressed in turquoise silk bra and panties. A mischievous smile spread across her face, and within seconds, Olivia had rolled her over onto her back. The blonde laughed at Olivia's antics, as she lowered her soft red stained lips to Alex's neck, and planted butterfly kisses along her collarbone. Then the detective slowly slid her fingers up Alex's thigh, and inside her panties without warning.

"So wet," the brunette grinned.

Alex shuddered at the contact. Olivia touching her there had never felt so good. Her head became fuzzy, but she quickly regained her composure, and stopped the wandering hand in its tracks.

"No." came Alex's firm reply. She caught the brunette by surprise, and rolled her over onto her back; then took both of Olivia's arms and pinned them above her head. "Not yet," she purred against the brunette's ear then she sat up straight, and removed her own bra much to Olivia's delight. A mischievous glint appeared in the blonde's eyes. She grazed her fingernails ever so lightly down Olivia's side, and over her hip bone. A weak spot that Alex had never forgotten about, she smiled smugly to herself.

The brunette quivered. "Alex..." she squeaked, her body screaming out for more.

The blonde scooted backwards near to the end of the bed, and gripped the band of Olivia's panties and painstakingly slowly slid them off of the detective's legs. Olivia could feel herself getting extremely turned on by the second and wasn't sure how much longer she could to be touched. Alex planted barely there kisses all the way from the brunette's ankles to the tops of her thighs, leaving a trail of goose pimples as she lowered her almost naked body onto Olivia's.

Olivia pushed her hands inside Alex's panties and squeezed her butt. "God Alex...I just need you to touch me..."

"Touch you where?" Alex breathed against Olivia's neck as she kissed her pulse point.

"You know where..." The brunette hissed, the throbbing between her legs increasing tenfold.

"Show me." The attorney mumbled in between kisses.

Olivia took Alex's hand guiding her lower, then she pushed the blonde's fingers inside of her own folds. Her body jerked involuntarily as the digits made the long awaited connection with her clit.

"Fuck, right there." Olivia exclaimed, releasing her grip on the blonde's hand.

The profanity coming from the woman below her sent a new wave of arousal coursing through Alex. The attorney swirled her fingers around the sensitive nub then brushed over it, gradually increasing the pressure each time.

The sensations Alex was causing set Olivia's body on fire.

Alex leaned down taking a hard nipple in her mouth, licking and sucking to heighten the sensations. The brunette cried out, arching her back in the process, loving every stroke but she didn't want to climax alone. Olivia stretched her arm out, and quickly entered the blonde.

"Oh god.." Alex cried, her head snapping back. She pushed her fingers down hard onto Olivia's clit, which in turn, made her groan and bite down on her own lower lip.

"Alex...so good." Olivia panted, cupping Alex's breast and massaging while her thumb flicked against the nipple.

"Yeah...so good." Alex repeated as she rested her body weight on her arm by Olivia's side and captured the brunette's lips in a kiss that conveyed so much passion and love. Both women matched each other's rhythm against their clits. The blonde broke their kiss and looked deep into the brunette's eyes, dark with desire.

"I'm so close..." Olivia's breath hitched.

"Yes...there...fuck." Alex replied. The brunette tipped her head back as she felt Alex's fingers get a little faster. The blonde touched her chin with her free hand. "No...look at me..." She requested, her breathing getting more erratic.

Olivia obeyed and again bit her lower lip as she felt her climax coming. "Don't stop." As they kept their eyes locked on each other, both women climaxed, hard. They shuddered and trembled, until the final waves washed over them. Alex collapsed beside the detective, out of breath and spent.

"Wow." Alex chuckled breathlessly.

"Yeah." Olivia agreed with a satisfied grin.

Once the attorney had regained a little bit of strength, she slipped out of her panties. Alex had no idea how they had remained on throughout. She curled up to Olivia, resting her head in the crook of her aroma of perspiration and arousal had never smelled so sweet on the brunette. Olivia kissed the top of her head, pulled her closer, then sighed.

"What are you thinking?" Alex asked, as she draped her arm over her lovers naked body.

"I'm thinking I'm glad I gave you a second chance," the brunette said through a smile.

The attorney smiled against her shoulder and kissed her bare skin softly. "Me too."

Olivia turned onto her side so she could face Alex, and pushed her left leg between the blondes. The warmth radiating off Alex's skin, and the cool air surrounding them caused a shiver in Olivia. Alex instinctively took the bed covers and pulled them up around herself and her love.

Olivia looked deep into Alex's sparkling blue eyes. The older woman lightly traced her index finger from her faded red lips, down her neck and chest, then stopping between her breasts. The brunette smiled sweetly.

"What?" Alex asked, her own smile mirroring Olivia's.

"I love you." The detective replied, her smile still firmly in place. Those three words she had been so scared of saying out loud again, rolled of her tongue with ease.

Alex's heart skipped a beat, or three. After waiting so long to once again win her beauty's heart, she couldn't contain the emotion she felt inside. She worried her lower lip as tears of joy fell over her flushed cheeks.

"I love you too," Alex choked, then took Olivia's face in her hands and placed a tender affectionate kiss to her lips. After breaking the kiss, the blonde opened her arms and enveloped Olivia in a loving embrace. Alex gently kissed the top of the brunette's head She took in the sweet scent of her shampoo, and vowed to herself to never to ruin her relationship with Olivia again.

The detective's breathing slowed, which told Alex she was dropping off to sleep. The blonde yawned, and knew she wasn't far behind her. A small smile spread across her face, as she started to drift off herself. She hoped she would fall asleep like this with Olivia, for the rest of their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

**EPILOGUE**

**3 months later...**

"Please let this be the last of the boxes." Fin panted, as he set the heavy box by his feet. He exaggerated his exhale, to prove his point of exhaustion.

Alex placed a box down onto the table. "Yes, that's the last one," she replied. The attorney placed her hands on her hips. Not as out of breath as Fin, but not far off. "We're all finished," she smiled broadly.

"I need a lie down," Fin said, as he stretched his sore arms across his chest. "Who knew you had so much stuff?"

"I'm a girl, what did you expect?" The attorney teased. "Seriously though, thank you so much for your help today," Alex said.

"No problem, Alex. I better get goin'. I'm meeting Ken for a few drinks. You need me for anything else?"

She shook her head. "No, I can take it from here."

"Ok, but if Liv doesn't like that you did this without her, I was never here. Got it?"

Alex laughed. "Got it."

With a wink in Alex's direction, Fin left her to it. She surveyed Olivia's apartment - now hers as well - and the happiness she felt erupted inside of her. She let out a tiny uncharacteristic squeal. It was finally here. The day she and Olivia had been waiting for: the day she was moving in with the woman she loved. After a lengthy conversation over who's apartment they were moving into, Alex had said she would feel more comfortable moving into Olivia's. Too many reminders of Philip at her place, filled her with apprehension of Olivia moving in. The detective wholeheartedly agreed. Alex put her place on the market, and they decided that when it came to possibly starting a family, they would find a new - bigger - place to live.

Alex smiled to herself as she picked up a box marked _shoes._ She made the executive decision to hide that one for now, and introduce Olivia to her even more extensive shoe collection at a later date. She was pleased she'd had Fin to help her out; as Olivia had had a long week. Alex wanted to try and get everything done, so her girlfriend would have very little left to do come the weekend. Of course, Olivia had no idea she had done everything behind her back. That was a surprise.

Olivia and Alex had been back together for three months, and their relationship had only gotten stronger. They had their little disagreements, like every couple, but it made making up all that more fun. Before Alex tackled the remaining few boxes, she poured herself a glass of wine and turned on the radio. She started to sway happily to the jazz music echoing softly through the apartment. She stopped when she heard the sound of keys jingling in the lock. The door opened and she was greeted with a beaming, but tired smile from Olivia. Alex placed her wine glass on the side table.

"Hey baby," Alex said, closing the distance between them and draping her arms around the brunette's neck.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her girlfriends waist. "This is nice surprise," her smile still firmly in place. "I didn't expect you to be here, I thought you'd be packing your stuff up for tomorrow?"

Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss. "I've done it already. I know you've had a rough week, so I've done all the hard work so you can relax all weekend."

"Did you do all the moving by yourself?" Olivia asked, her voice laden with concern.

"No, I had a little help." At the word little: the brunette cocked her eyebrow knowingly. "Ok, _a lot_ of help," Alex shrugged coyly. "Fin and I sorted it all out today."

"You're amazing." Olivia said, as she lightly pressed her lips against her love's.

"I try," she replied, ever so modestly. "So as of right now, this whole weekend is all about you, and I am going to wait on you hand and foot." Alex's eyes sparkled with love for the woman before her.

Olivia sighed blissfully at the thought. After the week she'd had, it sounded heavenly. "How could I say no to that?" She asked rhetorically, with a grin.

Alex caressed Olivia's cheek with her fingers. "You can't. I won't let you." She took Olivia's lips with her own, and kissed her softly. As she pulled away, both women smiled; then Alex took the detective's hand. "Come with me."

"Where we going?" Olivia asked kicking her shoes off along the way.

"I'm going to run you a hot bath, and then while you're doing that I'll be cooking dinner."

Alex sat Olivia on the edge of the bed and observed the once again exhausted detective. "I love you."

Olivia flashed Alex a shy smile. "I love you too, beautiful."

She kissed Oliva's forehead, and headed into the bathroom to run the bath. After pouring in a good amount of bubbles, she made sure it was hot enough to ease the tension in the hard-working detectives muscles. After a few candles were lit, went to tell Olivia it was ready.

But when Alex came back into the bedroom, she found Olivia had scooted up to the head of the bed, and was now fast asleep. Fully clothed. She leaned against the door frame and sighed. She wondered about waking her, to get her properly ready for bed, but then she figured she'd leave her for while. God knows Olivia needed the sleep. She turned back into the bathroom and blew out the candles. Alex decided to leave the water for a few minutes incase the brunette woke up and still wanted to take the bath.

She then quietly pulled the fleece blanket off the back of the sofa in the living area, and brought it into the bedroom to cover her sleeping beauty with. After gently laying it over Olivia, she leaned down and kissed her forehead. Olivia stirred slightly at the contact, but her eyes remained closed. The attorney knew this was something that happened quite often, but accepted it. She loved Olivia with all her heart, and she wouldn't have her life any other way.

**Fin**


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